Rmantraining

On Carrots and Thoughts

2012-01-24T12:17:00.000-08:00

I gnaw my carrot

And thoughts here, there, everywhere

Carrot’s gone, not thoughts

Theology

2011-08-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

This week will be a week of intense paper writing. Among other essays, I am writing a reflection on the life and ethics of Bonhoeffer. I dearly wish I had a few months to spend reading Bonhoeffer. Just the few quotes I've come across in one of his biographies have given me a taste for his bold, imaginative, and independent mind. Here's my favorite quote so far.

“Truth is not something which rests in itself and for itself, but something which takes place between two persons. Truth happens only in community.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Christology, edited by Eberhard Bethge, translated by John Bowden, p. 51

Public Policy

2011-08-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a class entitled Bioethics and the Law. In conducting research for my major paper, I ran across an interesting article in the California Law Review by Einer Elhague, entitled Allocating Health care Morally. Here is Elhague's concrete proposal (which he then justifies in over 90 pages of in-depth argument) directly quoted from pages 1453-1454

(1) A politically set annual health care budget with an associated tax not linked to employment
(2) Free access for all individuals to a care-allocating plan
(3) Individual choice about which plan they wish to join for some significant period (I suggest three years)
(4) Competition among care-allocating plans that each receive a share of the government budget based on the number of individuals they enroll, adjusted for each person's health risk, and that cannot retain profits from their budget (other than a possible bonus linked to total number of enrollees) but must instead spend it on those enrollees. Plans must accept all who wish to enroll
(5) Management of those care-allocating plans by professional who have the range of diagnostic expertise to evaluate the health care needs of plan enrollees, who have salaries unaffected by spending decisions (other than a possible bonus per enrollee), and who have a duty to decide how to allocate each plan's budget to purchase those health services that maximize health benefits fro the unit's enrollees. Their sole incentive should thus be to do a good enough job at rationing to keep and attract enrollees
(6) Maintenance of the vast majority of health care providers as private suppliers of procedures, tests, and technologies that compete with each other to sell to the care-allocating plans. This should create incentives for cost-effective innovation because suppliers will now face purchaser who have both the knowledge and incentives to trade off the costs and benefits of care.
(7) A politically appointed agency, the members of which are insulated from removal, that has only two tasks: setting risk adjustments and licensing care-allocating plans by verifying their diagnostic expertise and fiscal soundness. In particular, this agency would not dictate a uniform schedule of covered services because that would be up to each care-allocating plan.
(8) The individual right to purchase additional care outside these plans on the open market

What do you think?

Theology

2011-07-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

I'm having an email conversation with Sigve Tonstad, MD, PhD (except the PhD is in theology from the University of St Andrews). He's brilliant, broadly educated, and quite obviously smarter than me. Therefore, I put a fair deal of work into my most recent email and thought it was worth posting a portion for general consumption and critique.

Interestingly, positing free will as an emergent property of the brain offers significant philosophical dividends regardless of the ontological implications. If the free will is an emergent property of the brain yet ontologically indistinguishable from the brain, then one could be a monist and eat his cake too. Allow me to first define the free-will cake and then argue why the emergent property perspective may be the only way for a monist to eat it. (I believe I do understand, by the way, the advantages of being a monist apart from the free-will dilemma)

First, free will must be categorically inexplicable. It must be inexplicable because explicability confers predictability. The degree of predictability may vary from case to case with the degree of inherent randomness, but the link between explicability and predictability is fundamental. The very act of conceptualization depends on recognition of patterns and trends, which in turn provide the raw material for prediction. In other words, prediction is the natural fruit of explanation.

But inexplicability alone is not enough. Free will demands categorical inexplicability. Whether or not there is a "straight line from physics to the brain", and even if "reduction does not work as a model" for explaining the brain's complexity, a strictly material view of the brain must view such inexplicability as a function of limited technological, conceptual, and intellectual capacity, not intrinsically unattainable mystery. For the honest scientist, the material brain is indeed inexplicable, but only temporarily. Therefore, the complexity of the brain offers no ultimate haven for free will.

Naturally, one might retain a strictly material paradigm by claiming that science will never fully explain the material brain. Such an argument, however, would require a radical rethinking of the nature of material reality. Indeed, such extreme redefinition would almost certainly place the argument just a few semantic steps away from an immaterial construction of free will. Perhaps this approach leads us closest to the truth. Can we be so confident, after all, that immaterial and material realities are actually separate? Exotic and enticing as such holistic thinking may be, it lends itself more to vague mysticism than logical conclusions; it is intuitively satisfying but intellectually slippery (at least to my Western mind),

To summarize, the free-will cake must be categorically inexplicable. A monist cannot eat this cake with a strictly material picture of reality because a strictly material picture of the self inevitably ends up in determinism. Yes, there is one variant picture of the material self which allows for free will, but it requires such a radical redefinition of material reality that the final picture morphs into a material/immaterial hybrid rather than a truly material view.

If free will acted as an emergent property of the brain, its effects would be seen in certain types of mental activity we see in the brain. By definition, we would never be able to visualize the actual interaction between the immaterial free will and the material brain. The interaction could still be observed indirectly, however. In The Brain that Changes Itself, Norman Doidge, M.D., utterly destroys the notion that our brains are sophisticated machines. Though Doidge never addresses free will, he raises the issue by default when he refutes the machine model of the brain. He also provides a highly convincing refutation of localizationism--the idea that brain functions are necessarily limited to delineated areas of the brain. Putting these two observations--that the brain is fundamentally different from a machine and that brain functions are not necessarily limited to localized areas--we can now ask the key question: if the brain changes itself, which part of the brain does the changing? To me at least, hunting for a single brain-changing location in the brain would be ludicrous. Instead, it makes more sense to assume that multiple areas of the brain always work together to affect changes in the brain.

And it is the changes in the brain--particularly in stroke and addiction rehabilitation--where I see evidence for free will acting as an immaterial emergent property of the brain. I find it very difficult to imagine a specific anatomical location being responsible for such change. Instead, the change must arise from the direction of a synthesized interaction arising from multiple brain locations. Such a synthesis is more than the sum of its parts. It is, indeed, an emergent property which I call free will.

On a theological note, I do think that the majority of Biblical texts on this subject seem heavily weighted in favor of a body-soul unity. But I sometimes wonder if my preoccupation with free will has taken me somewhat away from the body-soul question. I do not think, for instance, that the free will and the soul are equivalent. God values all the souls he created but can we say that the infant who dies at birth has a truly free will? Of course not, but surely God values this baby as a living soul!

Indeed, I am very wary of linking the soul solely to the brain (couldn't resist). To me, the breath of life--in my book, an emergent property of the entire body--would be a better candidate for the soul. This would make the soul a property of the body, which I guess would essentially be a monist perspective.

To me clear, my main contention is this: a strictly material view of the self must either redefine material reality in a basically unscientific manner or eventually acquiesce to determinism

religion

2011-05-21T15:56:00.001-07:00

The following excerpt from Mere Christianity reminded me of my post entitled God, Galileo, and Grumpy Teddy Bears: part 3.

It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go--let it die away--go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow--and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. But if you decide to make thrills your regular diet and try to prolong them artificially, they will all get weaker and weaker, and fewer and fewer, and you will be a bored, disillusioned old man for the rest of your life. -page 111.

Here is a fine complement to my call for engagement with the ordinary. Lewis points out that the quest for newness--"thrills"--leads nowhere, while I maintain that engagement with the ordinary will ultimately lead to an endless trove of thrills. Both perspectives are important, but I appreciate the reminder from Lewis that thrills are not an end in themselves. Unless, perhaps, the thrill is a true thrill.

What's a true thrill?

politics

2011-05-17T17:58:00.000-07:00

For the record, observations in this blog about Democratic and Republican politicians are in no way an indication of my personal political views.

Republican presidential hopefuls are reluctantly beginning to think about the unenviable task of challenging Obama in the next election. Obama is currently riding high, but even if circumstances play in Republican favor (i.e. the economy nose dives) Obama will be formidable. Barring personal scandal, Obama will be formidable no matter what happens.

Trump made some noise and is now bowing out just in time for Gingrich to take over in the noise-making department. I like both men. They just suffer from the terrible political liability of sincerely held and much too openly expressed opinions. The fact remains that they are both highly intelligent and both would probably steer the US economy with skill. Alas, like most Americans, I couldn't bring myself to vote for either.

Romney would make an excellent president of America's economic affairs (can't vouch for his abilities in other areas), but his pragmatic political successes from Massachusetts days now bedevil his wooing of the GOP establishment. This is Romney's basic political problem and goes far to explain why he has been such a disingenuous communicator on the campaign trail.

Ultimately, he's just stuck with a successful past hurting his hopes for a successful future. Although maybe, just maybe he could turn the Massachusetts embarrassment into a selling point in the general election. That would take some gymnastics, however, and I don't think Romney is a good enough communicator (or scam artist, for the Romney haters among us) to pull it off.

I still think Romney has a lot going for him. If we had no political parties and presidential candidates had to individually come up with their own personal solution to our nation's economic woes, I wager Romney would produce the most workable and financially pragmatic plan. Feel free to disagree. You would have good reasons for it, I realize.

Philosophically, the bottom line is that America desperately needs more pragmatism and less dogmatism. Obama actually does quite well on the pragmatic scale, but like Romney he can only do so much wedded to the dogmatic demands of his party.

Practically, the bottom line is that healthcare will be forever more universal in America. How much more can't be said, but Republicans who talk about repealing all of Obama's healthcare package are grandstanding, nothing more. Is this good, bad, or a mixed bag? Probably the latter, but regardless, the meat of Obama's healthcare is here to stay.

On Universalism and Exclusivity

2011-05-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

Could there be something intrinsically ecumenical about exclusivity?

"And since infinity cannot be divided by two or three or more (a mathematical fact), it follows that there cannot be one God for Jews, another for Christians, another for Muslims, another for Hindus and yet another for the godless, etcetera."

--Hassan Hathout

Hathout, (a Muslim author) argues that there can only be one God. This is a strikingly exclusive sentiment. The implication, however, is that we all worship the same God, a strikingly ecumenical sentiment.

True, exclusivity does not always contain intrinsically ecumenical sentiments. Sometimes it does, however, at least to a limited extent. Interestingly, universalism offers even fewer ecumenical possibilities.

Let's say that what each person believes is equally true. We all disagree to some extent, however, so how could each person have an equal corner on the truth? Well, what each person believes is true for them, not necessarily for you. So what I believe is true for me; what you believe is true for you; and on any point of disagreement we can therefore be equally right. But wait, if my truth is really so strictly personal, what happened to universalism? What do we actually have in common? In fact, I've concluded that the necessary relativism of extreme universalism soon becomes rather isolating, if not downright exclusive.

barryandchristy.blogspot.com

2010-12-20T19:18:00.000-08:00

Christy and I have started a new blog. Check it out

http://barryandchristy.blogspot.com/

No more smoothies please

2010-12-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

Experience shows that a person from any belief system can be honest or dishonest, stingy or generous, hateful or loving, mean or nice, and there seems to be no pattern. Every belief system has its shameful stains and shining examples, but overall an agnostic is just as likely to be out running for breast cancer as a Baptist. A Hindu is as likely to loan you a lawn mower as an Adventist. The man who helps you pick up groceries after your bag broke is as likely to be a New Age healer as a local church elder.

Hence the common conclusion: "What you believe doesn't matter as long as you treat people right". If ideas could run for election, this one would win the precedence over all others. It just makes sense, this accepting, practical, real person's ideal.

My reading in Romans reveals a radically different paradigm: what you believe is everything and if you don't believe correctly, you will never treat people right.

We try hard to adapt the gospel message for a contemporary ear, but the core of the gospel is based on believing in something, more specifically believing in Someone. Rather than whizzing the gospel and pop philosophy into an oxymoronic smoothie, we should be grappling with reality: why does the mantra of "just treat people right" make so much sense to so many? Why are Christians so utterly homogeneous with everyone else when it comes to practical goodness, basic humanity, and simple decency?

Romans

2010-12-03T04:42:00.001-08:00

LLU is probably the only medical school in the world where (A) you take a required religion class and (B) a topic includes the book of Romans. Yesterday, our religion teacher brought out one particularly interesting point: Paul developed the doctrine of "salvation by faith" in order to break down the dividing wall between Jews and Gentiles. If salvation didn't come by keeping the law, the Jews had no spiritual superiority to justify their separation from the Gentiles.

Too often we are focused exclusively on the personal meaning of salvation by faith. Paul certainly addresses the personal meaning in Romans 7-8, but the thrust of his message was first communal, then personal. We in the West need to absorb this community focused understanding of salvation by faith. It means that salvation is a team effort. It means that divisions and disparities directly trample the gospel. It means that he who seeks to walk alone with God will walk without God. It means that we cannot be saved without seeking the salvation of others.

Ruling In: Part Two

2010-11-24T08:28:00.000-08:00

Previously, I contrasted the multiplicity of tests for ruling out potential mates with the paucity of tests for ruling in. Here I present two tests for ruling in, but first, some priorities:

#1. Seek God before romance. Do this for three reasons: (1) the health of your relationship with God directly correlates to the health of all your other relationships. (2) You won't get far with God's guidance if you don't know Him that well. (3) You cannot have a healthy human relationship until you discover and satisfy your deepest desires in a relationship with God.

#2. Focus more on being the right person than finding the right person. If you get this one backwards, you'll be susceptible to three major pitfalls: (1) fault-finding in the one you finally do select, (2) never getting married because you are so terribly picky (3) wondering post-marriage if you really did find the right one.

These priorities are foundational and if you sincerely pursue them, you will become a wonderful person and almost certainly find a wonderful person. In other words, what I'm about to present is relatively unimportant. I really mean that.

Now, the tests

Imagine your favorite old coat (or flannel shirt, fleece blanket, wool socks, etc): comforting, unassuming, safe, and familiar. Is the person you're considering like that for you? Ask yourself some questions.

Could I be myself with this person?
Would I feel safe even when less than my best?
Would this person love the real me?
Am I truly at ease with this person?
Are we comfortable together?

Performing this test requires experience with the person, but also intuition. Both are subjective without Divine guidance. Pray.

Think about the healthiest relationships you currently enjoy. What elements in these relationships make them work so well? Look for these elements in the relationship you are considering. Realize that all your healthy relationships are fair game--whether grandpa, your music teacher, roommate, it matters only that the relationship works and works in a healthy way. Also recognize that no relationship will ever be a perfect composite of all your best relationships. Focus on the core issues and work out from there. Anything over 80% overlap would be a rare and beautiful friendship. What exactly are you identifying? That's hard to say, but basically, you are asking

Which personality types do I blossom with best?

Which love languages resonate with me most?

However, love languages and personality types are oversimplifications. You get past the oversimplifications by comparing your real and irreducibly complex relationships with the one you are considering. For instance, when you say "I talk to him like I talk to my old roommate" you are saying so much more than "we share the 'words of affirmation' love language".

I do have one cautionary note: many people unconsciously pursue broken relationships because they seem familiar and normal. Don't make that mistake. Focus on your healthy relationships for this test.

Inspiration

2010-11-10T15:24:00.000-08:00

Inspiration is more complicated than you may realize

Before you breath in, pressure in the lungs is the same as barometric pressure. Alveolar pressure in this situation is zero, meaning that there is zero difference between lung pressure and barometric pressure. Also before breathing in, your chest wall is naturally expanded a little while your lungs are naturally contracted a little. This creates a little pocket of low pressure in the pleural space between the chest wall and the lungs. The lungs can't contract too much because they are at a higher pressure than the intrapleural space. If the lungs weren't always at a higher pressure than the pleural space, they WOULD collapse (pneumothorax)

So you decide to breath in and as your chest wall expands, pressure in the pleural space decreases even more, extenuating the pressure gradient between lung and pleural space. Now the pressure in the lungs is so much greater than pressure in the pleural space that the lungs expand. As the lungs expand, lung volume naturally increases, lowering the alveolar pressure to a point well below barometric pressure. As a result, air now flows from high to low pressure, i.e. from outside into your lungs.

Why or why not?

2010-10-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

Luke 11:37-40

And as he spake, a certain Pharisee besought him to dine with him: and he went in, and sat down to meat

And when the Pharisee saw [it], he marvelled that he had not first washed before dinner

And the Lord said unto him, Now do ye Pharisees make clean the outside of the cup and the platter; but your inward part is full of ravening and wickedness

Ye fools, did not he that made that which is without make that which is within also?

These are obviously provoking and rude things for Jesus to say. Should we ever follow this example? Why or why not? If so, do you speak from personal experience?

Barefoot running

2010-10-26T04:49:00.001-07:00

Running barefoot is the natural way to run. I've heard the logic before. It makes sense. Barefoot, you stride lightly, landing first on the ball of your foot. Shod in cushy Nikes, you heedlessly pound down the road landing first on your heals. The mechanical difference is simple: barefoot, your leg muscles absorb the shock of running. Nike shod, it's your knees.

Well this morning I decided to try running barefoot. I highly recommend it. My stride and running style improved instantly.

Lord, Lord, teach me to obey

2010-10-26T04:43:00.000-07:00

Luke 6:27-30

But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you

bless those who curse you, pray for those who *mistreat you

Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your *coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either

Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back

Verse 46:

Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?

Healing and Hearing

2010-10-25T04:28:00.000-07:00

And it came to pass on a certain day, as he was teaching, that there were Pharisees and doctors of the law sitting by, which were come out of every town of Galilee, and Judaea, and Jerusalem: and the power of the Lord was present to heal them.

And, behold, men brought in a bed a man which was taken with a palsy: and they sought means to bring him in, and to lay him before him

There was power to heal "them" but only an outsider got healed and he had to come through the roof. He came to be healed. They came to hear.

Why do you go to church?

Tests

2010-10-22T04:49:00.000-07:00

During my devotions this morning, I started thinking about different kinds of tests. Here's Mark 15:32, for instance:

Let Christ the King of Israel descend now from the cross, that we may see and believe.

Now that's a convenient test for doubters. From a strictly Biblical standpoint (and the Pharisees, were after all, strictly Biblical folk) coming down from the cross would have been the one thing to disprove the divine validity of Christ's mission. Doubters of all stripes are not dissimilar. I know, because I've been a doubter on occasion myself. Most of us have. We pick a test that God could not possibly pass, and then point with wise and saddened visage at the reality of God's indifference or non-existence. But what we're really pointing at is God's non-cooperation.

Now look at this test, just a few verses later in Mark 15:39

And when the centurion, which stood over against him, saw that he so cried out, and gave up the ghost, he said, Truly this man was the Son of God

You couldn't get a more ironic juxtaposition. Which test flavor would you like: pharisee or centurion? Pharisee flavor will give you a crazy carpenter; Centurion will give you the Son of God. Just pick your test, and you'll get what you want.

I'll make my point several ways:

When we administer a test on God, the results can't be separated from the assumptions we started with. In particular, testing God begins with the primary assumption that God is testable. From a scientific viewpoint, however, God is not testable. Unless....unless...you define God ahead of time. Otherwise, you can't give God a test and make any conclusions about why he failed or passed. The God of your definition may have failed/passed for reasons x, y, and z, but the real God is always potentially out there, beyond your testing scope.

Inescapably, we come to questions about God with our minds already primed for a certain answer. And we will always get what we want. You might want an intelligent, sensitive, and despairing affect, for instance. In that case, deny God's involvement or existence but believe in your heart that you wish things were otherwise. Or you might want a blustery, invincible faith. In that case, embrace God's direct involvement in your life and blow off the doubters with circular arguments. These two possibilities are not even the most common (just the ones I've experienced in my own life). There are so many flavors available! You might even decide to explore several combinations until you get just the blend of rationality and spirituality you are looking for.

Or you could forget the tests and simply approach God

Ruling in

2010-10-16T19:24:00.001-07:00

Here's a thought that developed during an Evidence Based Medicine class...

When looking for a spouse, we want to rule out the bad options and rule in the good. We use diagnostic tests based on our beliefs and backgrounds. For instance, a conservative SDA guy will use the highly sensitive alcohol test. Does the girl drink? If yes, then rule her out! We have dozens of sensitive diagnostic tests... Does the guy brag about embezzling? Does the girl sport scandalous attire? The list goes on and on. Most of the time, we perform these tests without even thinking.

Before I began pursuing Christy, I kept a mental pool of possibilities--girls who had passed all the sensitive tests. In other words, I had no grounds for ruling these girls out. They were good solid Christians and shared my most important views and interests in life. I couldn't rule anyone out, but neither could I rule anyone in. My sensitive diagnostic tests had served me well, but only to a point. Sensitive tests had helped me narrow the pool to a few high quality possibilities, but I needed a specific test to move from this small pool to the person I wanted to date and perhaps marry.

I believe this quandary is shared among many sincere, thoughtful Christians, and it leads me to place the central observation of this blog: the counseling Christian community should pay more attention to specific relationship tests--ruling in. I'm not saying that ruling in is more important than ruling out. Both are equally important. However, our current Christian culture--particularly the conservative SDA Christian culture--focuses disproportionately on ruling out.

Come on! Ruling out is the relatively easy job. Yes, there are many people who desperately need to learn and implement sensitive tests in their dating and premarital lives. But all of this vital advice is extremely straightforward. The really complicated stuff comes in only after you have administered all the sensitive tests and thereby ruled out all the terrible, the sub-par, and even the simply mediocre choices.

Anyone with a teaspoon of common sense can make up a good list of sensitive tests. But a specific test? Not so easy...

It's getting late, and I really don't have the energy to explore my own imperfect experience with specific tests. Instead, I'll throw it out to you. What makes a good specific test? Here's my criteria: good specific tests detect some key quality that goes beyond obvious foundational essentials.

Note: The essential prerequisite factor in all tests is an honest relationship with God and an intimate knowledge of His living Word.

Aptitude, Preference, and Personality

2010-10-16T09:39:00.001-07:00

The Meyers-Briggs personality test measures four characteristics

1. Introvert(I)/Extrovert (E)

2. Intuitive (N)/Sensing (S)

3. Thinking (T)/Feeling (F)

4. Judging (J)/ Perceiving (P)

Here's a simplified explanation

1. Introverts get their energy from solitude; Extroverts recharge at parties

2. Intuitives analyze the unseen; Sensates engage the tangible

3. Thinkers think with logic; Feelers think with emotion

4. Judgers seek final decisions; Perceivers pursue options

If you take the test, you'll get a grouping of letters. Mine, for instance, is INTJ.

Now I had an insight this morning: Whatever your "personality", the letters will reflect your preferences, not necessarily your aptitude. We tend to assume otherwise--that personality type reflects personality strengths.

Sometimes however...

Extroverts are social idiots and introverts are smooth socialites
Sensates are highly intutitive, intuitives completely blind
Feelers are brilliantly logical and thinkers exquisitely sensitive
Judgers are horrifying decision makers while perceivers nail the right choice every single time

Personality tests are useful tools. They simplify people and relationships. These simplifications make many confusing things understandable. But simplifications are simplifications. Ultimately, people are not personalties. They are incomprehensible marvels

The most elegant machine

2010-10-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

Coronary arteries receive blood through ostea situated at the beginning of the aorta. During systole, the aortic valve opens, blocking the ostea. During diastole, the aortic valve closes, exposing the ostea. Elastic recoil of the aorta pushes blood in a retrograde direction through the ostea and into the coronary arteries. Thus, coronary pressure is highest during diastole and lowest in systole. This is not a good situation for the heart, because Oxygen requirements are highest during systole.

How does the heart compensate for low blood flow at the time of highest oxygen requirement?

ATP consumption produces a host of metabolites--particularly Adenosine, ADP, and cAMP--which act as potent vasodilators. As ATP consumption goes up during systole, concentrations of these metabolites also go up, increasing vasodilation and decreasing vascular resistance. Increased ATP consumption also leads to decreased pH, increased CO2 and decreased O2, which also lead to vasodilation/decreased vascular resistance. As vascular resistance decreases, blood flow increases--up to 5 times!

Keep in mind that this mechanism becomes particularly important during exercise. At rest, Nitric Oxide acts as a baseline vasodilator (among many other things) while tonic sympathetic action balances this vasodilation with alpha-1 mediated vasoconstriction.

Once systole is complete, the pressure begins to rise, sweeping the metabolites out of the heart and increasing the impact of the the alpha-1 mediated vasoconstriction. The vasoconstriction is further enhanced by release of endothelin-1, released in response to the sheer stress caused by increased blood flow. Endothelin-1 activates phospholipase C, which cleaves PIP2 into IP3 and DAG. IP3 stimulates intracellular Calcium release, causing smooth muscle contraction--i.e. blood vessel constriction.

In this way, the heart expands blood vessels during diastole and contracts them in systole, more than counterbalancing the unfortunate mismatch of blood flow to Oxygen requirement caused by the engineering necessity of proximate coronary ostea.

I have 126 dense pages of heart physiology notes from the past 2 weeks of medical school. The above summary stems from 2 of those pages. The heart, needless to say, is a thing of extraordinary complexity. As I have grown to appreciate recently, however, it is also the most elegant machine.

speeding up

2010-08-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

Time speeds up over time...

and it's easy to understand why. This graph shows what a year of life feels like at different ages. For a nonagenarian, one year is a blip. For a baby, it is eternity. If you're feeling philosophically frisky, you might even say that a nonagenarian could travel through ninty years in the same relative time it took a baby to travel through one.

But hang on. There's more. One hour waiting in line is a much longer stretch of time than one hour eating lunch with my beautiful wife. Why?

First of all, I enjoy eating lunch with Christy, but waiting in line is no fun at all. Also, waiting in line is a very simple task, while eating lunch involves many different activities. I shuffle my feet in line, but I spear a tomato, peel an orange, get another spoon, and a 1000 other little things while eating lunch.

So now we're at THREE variables: age, quality, and busyness. If you are a nonagenarian living a good life and staying busy, then time is screaming past. If you are a toddler waiting for mommy to find you in the grocery store, time has stopped forever.

Now, consider:

As a happily married medical student, I am growing older, happier, and busier by the second.

Ruthless Prioritization

2010-05-28T18:34:00.000-07:00

It's Friday night and my parents are already in bed. John and I are sitting in the living room, fingers padding quietly away on our laptops. I'm feeling tired, reflective, and irrevocably in love. My Toyota Corrola drove away from Christy's home this afternoon. I could feel my hands were on the steering wheel, but my heart was back with that beautiful girl as she grew smaller and smaller in my rear view mirror.

Oh wedding day! Please come soon.

Yeah, I know. ooey gooey engagement love, starry romance, dreamy castles in the air....

Will it last? Nope, not according to most folks. Apparently the typical pattern is to be desperately in love at first, but gradually lose it all as time goes by. I've been lucky enough to observe something different in a few extraordinary relationships, however, most notably between my own parents.

How can I have a great, forever love life with Christy? There are many answers, but all the good ones stem from a core stalk of truth: put God first.

I had a maxim in college: "the key to success is ruthless prioritization". This maxim is entirely sound in general life, but in the spiritual and relational realm it is absolutely non-negotiable.

Be honest

2010-01-31T00:29:00.000-08:00

Jesus said "I am The Way, the Truth, and the Life, but I have to struggle for faith in Jesus. Why? I don't have stomach for just another argument right now. I've spilled the beans: I struggle with my God. I struggle a lot. Do I struggle with a real God or just my God, the God in my head or THE God of the universe? Why should I believe if my belief requires a struggle? Shouldn't I be suspicious?

I bet most thinking people have heard the stock Christian arguments. They are pretty good arguments too, but all philosophical arguments are vulnerable, particularly ones that make lots of unfalsifiable assertions. Can anyone falsify the assertion that Jesus rose from the dead? Nope. Not any more--or less--than anyone can falsify the existence of tooth fairies.

Don't get me wrong. Christianity has had many supremely intelligent defendants. If you read the works of these smart Christians, you'll likely agree that Jesus and his claims are worth serious consideration. You could also easily conclude that agnosticism and atheism have their own philosophical shibboleths.

But you wouldn't be convinced. At least, you shouldn't be. I hope you wouldn't be. If you are completely honest with yourself, you'll have to admit that somebody out there is smarter and more logical than you. I know, hard to admit, but it's true. That person could beat you in pretty much any argument, including the argument of belief vs unbelief, regardless of which sides you were on!

A the end of the day, there will always be another argument against your belief system, no matter what you believe, and chances are, someone out there is smart enough to leave you completely stumped. Yeah, maybe you would go home and come up with some really smart rebuttals a few weeks later, but guess what? Those rebuttals would have rebuttals, really good rebuttals.

Don't misunderstand. I love to make a good argument. Everyone should have reasons for what they believe. Sloshing through your life without reasons for your belief is a tragic way to live. Coherence matters. Furthermore, a good argument is good regardless of how smart its proponent. Logic, reason, and good sense are universal, not mere smokescreens of the more intelligent.

But my point remains. There are plenty of things that make an argument convincing, not least of which is the possibility that you are dumber than the person making the argument. Despite the universality of logic, your relative intelligence is always part of the mix, and it's impossible to separate it out and "think clearly on your own". I don't mean to be rude. I'm just extrapolating from my own experience. Feel free to consider yourself able to win all arguments.

But I really think you should look for something more than a good argument to be completely convinced. Don't be unfair to yourself. I could give you a dozen arguments for my belief in God, but I would sign off of blogger today still struggling with God. I want more certainty than my arguments can give. Yes, I have my arguments, but the fact remains: I struggle. I struggle a lot.

Why?

I struggle because there's one blatantly falsifiable claim in Christianity. If you could prove it wrong, then everything else would crumble. I've struggled to falsify this claim, to really test its veracity. Truth is, I've come terribly close a time or two, but I'm always reminded that I have to actually run the experiment in order to falsify the results.

Maybe later I'll post more on the experiment, but for now, I dare you to read the manual for yourself, run the experiment, and see whether you get the results or not. Seriously. I dare you, because it's not safe. You might end up willing to believe something even if you have to struggle for it.

Good news

2010-01-05T21:19:00.000-08:00

Blogger.com is usually unavailable in Kyrgyzstan, but it works right now, thank goodness. You see, I was planning to post something during my visit to the US over Christmas. For two blissful weeks, I kept trying to think of something to post, but nothing came to mind. Normally, I have no problem thinking of something to blog about. Normally, bliss and blogging brainfreeze don't go together.

Yeah. Well normally. Normally...

(Thanks for the picture, Lauren)
Once upon a time, I was a hardman workaholic that thought marriage was an unnecessary impediment. I shunned romance like the plague and delighted in logical obliteration of every possibility that dared distract my focus. Yes, that was me, normally.

Sometimes, I had twinges of clarity, however, moments when I saw that unyielding allegiance to ruthless self-discipline and success was leading me down an increasingly dark and meaningless path. By God's grace, those twinges became more sharp and insistent until I finally repudiated my approach. It was no coincidence that my course correction was concomitant with a renewed walk with God.

There's an almost archetypal story pattern of the driven man suddenly discovering a new life in love. Well, much as my life has changed since I fell in love with Christy, I have to give God the credit for changing my heart. God truly led us together. For one thing, He changed my heart and helped me re-prioritize my life before I loved Christy. I'm glad God worked it out that way. Incredibly glad.

Why couldn't I think of anything to blog about over Christmas? It's simple: I was with Christy and I can't multitask.

I think that at this point in my blog, it's obvious: yes, Christy and I got engaged. Horaaaaay!!!! Come one come all--June 6 and somewhere OUTSIDE in Maine. Invitations coming up.

Vision

2009-08-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid

John 14:26,27

Immoderate Expectations

2009-08-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

I just had a terrific weekend sailing. On Sabbath afternoon, John and I sailed out with a group of friends to Whaleboat island and spent the night. Early Sunday morning, all our friends got picked up by a motorboat to attend a wedding. Then, John and I took off, sailing out to Jewel Island, and then cruising all the way back to Brickyard cove. The distances we covered this weekend were record breaking for the sailing we've done with our 21foot S2. We sunburned terribly, ate large quantities of grapes and corn chips, and enjoyed the longest, most beautiful broad reach ever. We also enjoyed the immensely gratifying feeling of sailing long and free while our friends attended a wedding. We raucously aired our feelings about weddings in general as we surfed swells and watched for seals. Nobody was there to listen, and perhaps we weren't even really listening ourselves or saying much more in true substance than we were glad to be unfettered and free if weddings meant anything less.

Then we came home and I read the following letter, one my dad quotes often (spelling retained):

Philadelphia, February 27, 1794

From: Isaac Briggs
To: Hannah Brooke, Brooke Grove,
Subject: A love letter, written just before marriage

My dearest friend,

My mind experiences some conflict whenever I think of writing to thee, between my strong wishes to convince thee how much I love thee--to prove myself, in some measure, worthy of thee; and my fears that I shall never be able to equal these high expectations thou hast formed of me. But remember, my dearest girl, that I have always cautioned thee against expecting so much of me:--there is, I believe in general, no greater enemy to our happiness than immoderate expectations--in this case, disappointments are frequent, and very painful: but when we regulate our minds so, as, on most occasions, to expect little: should we, in any instance, find more good than we anticipated, how delightful are our feelings!--thus humility can make even disappointment pleasing!

If I ever deceive thee, my love, Oh! may it be in this way!....

On one of my merits, however, I lay some stree; and that is the merit of loving thee, with a pure, sincere, and tender affection;--and for which of thy accomplishments, thinkest thou I love thee? --be assured for more than this; the pure and sincere wish that I believe, exists in thy heart, to be good. Hence, I promise myself, that, with thy assistance, through divine grace, I may improve in every good quality. I think I have experienced a change in my mind since my first acquaintance with thee, that I, at that time, would scarcely have believed possible--so powerful is sincere and virtuous affection, when it is made an instrument of good!--desert not, then, the work of thine hand, bit complete it....

I would wish to avoid any thing that might look like boasting of amendment, because my mind is forcibly impressed with the caution of one formerly; "Let him that thinketh he stands, "take heed lest he fall"....

What a letter. It's a universal letter, because it contains universal truths. But it also expresses personal points I couldn't make better myself.

Note: Isaac built a house for Hannah near Brooke Grove. The house was my Dad's boyhood home and still stands. Dad and I got talking about the letters last Friday, and I asked him if he still had a copy of the "immoderate expectations" letter. He did, and handed me a copy the very next day during Sabbath school. I just didn't have a chance to read the letter until now. Interesting.

This Friday Night

2009-08-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

I wrote a post by this title about six months ago. Change happens, a fact clearly evinced in my life--especially these past six months.

I felt impressed to post this blog, however, because tonight is another Friday night and the similarities don't stop there. I've changed, but some things are the same.

Things are on my heart and mind this Friday night, big decisions. But now, more from terrible necessity than virtue, I finally understand that careful thinking AND submitting are required.

Careful submission is impossible without God. However sincere, human submission will be focused on the work of submission rather than the Person calling for it. Human submission hastily seizes on the first likely sacrifice to come along, rather than waiting patiently for God to supply it. Believe me, God has plenty of sacrifices for us to make, but more often than not, submission is an act of faith and waiting. We do not always see exactly which path God is asking us to submit to, so we must wait. On the other hand, we must still walk forward in faith. Moving forward in faith while waiting seems impossible, but it is the essence of careful, God-given submission.

When we lack vision for the future, when reasons for doubt and discouragement indicate that God does not approve of our path, we must walk forward in faith. Somehow, even when this walk forward is hopelessly inadequate and misguided, God's blessing remains.

I have made two searingly difficult decisions during the time between my two Friday nights. I believe both were God's decisions, but I need careful submission to make sure they remain God's decisions. My decisions come with background, current justification, and definite future prognostication. God's decisions come with careful submission. No more. No Less.

Deep, abiding, and faithful love from God through me, especially to you!

observations upon reaching 100

2009-08-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

This post is the 100th for Rmantraining, 46 written just in the past 7 months. The three blogs which gathered the most comments were

Necessary/Unecessary, The Idea Scavenger, and Finales = no post/replies

In my opinion, 2006 was my best year, especially November-December.
I have seen a strong positive correlation between my stress level and posting frequency.
A large number of my blogs have been written with a specific reader in mind
My cousins Amber and Evan, my two brothers, and Joel and Christy Kurtz deserve special mention for stimulating most of my throughtful posts.

Here are three blogs I've enjoyed.

Christy is by far the most prolific commenter and poster, a genuine blogging hero in my humble opinion. Check out The Missing Foundation one of the best posts on a very illustrious blog.

John has posted many of the most elegant pieces in our blogging community. Here's my favorite: Done

When Paul was still blogging on Paul Life Law, I found his blog the most fun to read. My personal favorite is Soup. Gimbie Reports is also a must read. The writting is gripping, insightful, and a much-needed wakeup call to the sleepy spiritual life we live in the US.

Hymn Harvest Finale

2009-08-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

On June 16, I posted a list of hymns, and blog readers left their top favorites in the comments. Based on these comments, I made a poll to find out the top three unknown jewels in our hymnal. Here are the results.

1st 498, Still, Still With Thee (3 votes) Submitted by Kristin and Christy
2nd 385, Crowning Jewl of all Creation (2 votes) Submitted by John and Emily
3rds 224 Seek Ye first the Kingdom; 554 Oh Let me Walk With Thee; 555 Shepherd of Tender Youth; 315 O for a Closer Walk (all 1 vote) Submitted by Emily, Barry, Laurel, and Christy

Still, Still With Thee was written by Harriet Beecher Stowe in 1853 and first appeared in the 1855 "Plymouth Collection". The tune is Consolation, taken from Mendelssohn's song without words.Mendelssohn's full name was Jakob Ludwig Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy, his prodigious musical talent was first compared to Mozart's by an elderly Goethe, and his dad was a Jewish banker. Harriet was the little lady who started a great war. Her dad was an eccentric minister and 1797 Yale graduate. You can read about his views on religious pluralism here http://are.as.wvu.edu/backes.htm

Dear John

2009-07-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

Dear John,

I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your post about Paul. It was pure, honest, straight-forward brotherly love. Then I read your post about me. And I just don't know what to say, except that:

You won't be writing a post about yourself, but it's only right that people see all three of us, especially you.

I remember you first as the hummer, the wild man, my little brother. You hummed around the house from an extraordinarily young age, almost before you could walk, humming made up tunes or ones you heard on the CD player with uncanny musical sense. You jumped off everything. Every morning, a loud thud alerted Paul and I that our little toddler brother, still in diapers, had clambered over his crib and plummeted to the floor below. You also had a proclivity for climbing out of your highchair and stepping forth into space with perfect assurance. Rosy, sturdy, and one enormous lone blond curl--that's how I first remember you, my little brother.

I remember breaking your arm by pushing you down the stairs. You were three, and when Dad took you to the ER, the doctor was going to give a big dose of pain med. Typical doctor Dad contravened that nonsense, and your arm was set without any pain relief. "Oh" That's all you said. Just "Oh". No crying. You were tough.

With time, you developed your musical talents on the cello and piano, never practicing like I had to, but amazing your teachers all the same. Sailing, skiing, backpacking, canoeing, no matter what we did, when you were there it was more fun.

Growing up, you were always a willing party to my wild schemes and dreams. How you believed me when I set out to build a castle and moat, an airplane, a rifle, or a boat, I'll never know. But I will always know and remember how much you added to every one of those plans. In fact, I don't think I would have had any adventures without you. There wouldn't have been anyone to share them with.

You always had a special touch with people, from Paul's big bad friends to all the ladies in town, and for me. I think that's how everyone feels--that you have a special touch with everyone, including and especially them.

Dear John, I love you, and I'm going away to Kyrgyzstan. We won't room together next semester. You won't be turning in bed while I take late phone calls, hearing my latest political scheme, or praying with me every morning and evening. We won't talk theology for hours between bunks when we should be getting sleep, and we won't sit arm and arm at morning meditations. Believe or not, I could cry right now as I write these words.

I think this post has too much about me, not enough of you. That's what you're so good at doing to people, and the influence is even spilling into my blog. For two years at college, you were there for me as I focused on my challenges. I've never adequately paid the due I owe for such selfless love, nor will I ever fully pay, for what you gave was priceless. I love you John. I really do.

Sabbath pictures

2009-07-25T17:23:00.001-07:00

We were planning to camp at Baxter State park this weekend, but the weather report was too gloomy, so we stayed home and went sailing on Sabbath instead. Then I took a hike. And watched the sunset. Good night.

life will be good

2009-07-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

I went to Harvard with Jomart last week to look at its Kennedy school of government. We took the bus down to South Station, went to his interview, took a tour, and generally enjoyed invading smart people territory.

This afternoon, John and I took care of Mia and Oliva. Their parents, Joseph and Annie, were dealing with an unexpected disaster: Annie hydroplaned while driving to pick up some friends. She spun around on the road, hit another car, and wrecked quite badly. Luckily, Annie was fine, and Joseph borrowed our Corolla to pick Annie up. At the time, I was working on a table in the wood shop

Meanwhile, John changed Mia's diaper. Then, he came and reprised me of the situation and we had lunch. Mia's high chair was not extant, so I plunked her down on the table top and fed her Georgia peaches and bread with peanut butter. Mia ate and ate. I tried to convince her to try peanut butter on a peach slice, but she only licked the peanut butter off. Mia likes peanut butter. After lunch, we played the guitar, met stuffed beavers, and exercised on the rowing machine--Mia even had her hands on the bar!

And I showed Olivia how to use our camera...

Blessing

2009-07-22T04:08:00.000-07:00

If you will seek the Lord and be converted every day; if you will of your own spiritual choice be free and joyous in God; if with gladsome consent of heart to His gracious call you come wearing the yoke of Christ,--the yoke of obedience and service,--all your murmurings will be stilled, all your difficulties will be removed, all the perplexing problems that now confront you will be solved.
Thoughts from the Mount of Blessing, p. 101

Waiting room

2009-07-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'm good at waiting, and I'm proud of it. I have a steady nerve to control random pricks of impulse or sudden waves of passion. But I'm proclaiming my waiting prowess from within a most horrifying waiting room, deathly quiet, unlit, and apparently unoccupied. I know what quiet desperation means now, and I'm not feeling patient at all. I guess I'm not so good at waiting after all, at least not in this waiting room.

Why do I find this waiting room so intolerable? There's no excuse for my whining. I've already found bright corners, like selfless service, total submission, Bible text meditation, and best of all, prayer. Furthermore, I might bump into the Holy Spirit. I've heard He hangs out in waiting rooms like mine.

little memory

2009-07-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

Wander down a lost lane, scuffing through red leaves
Look for the blue sky and white clouds

Notice the logic of a crystal burble
Decipher thoughts of the black bug

Climb an ancient maple, gripping the old bark
Smile for a lark at the breezy sunshine

Crawl through a brier patch, looking for raspberries
Cross the meadow on a mission

Dam the creek for a new frog colony
Mine some clay for making dirt clod missiles

Hop home on one leg
Eat some candy from the stash

2009-07-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

Fight for Flight

2009-07-10T17:06:00.000-07:00

Life will always be hard, not just in this life, but for eternity. Difficulty is in the very essence of God-given existence. Too often, we confuse this difficulty of life with evil. Evil is out there for sure and definitely difficult to deal with, but plain old difficulty itself has nothing to do with evil one way or the other.

When we walk into difficulty, we have two options. One is to stand there, kick the difficulty, try scrabbling up its impossibly high walls, and in the end, wail out our defeat in adolescent frustration. The other is to fly, and to fly, we must let go of weights, all weights, weights of perspective, desire, and self. The only way to fly is to let go. Holding on is no way to fly.

Without God's power releasing me each day, my hold would always find a way to survive, coming up for air every time my conscious efforts relaxed. The fight for flight, however, is Christ's, and it's worth the effort. So fight for flight, for wide and wild freedom. Let go of earthly hopes and head out.

I found a poem

2009-07-09T05:54:00.000-07:00

by Poh Lian Lim (excerpt)

I am come into a Presence.
passionate with patience
familiar as sorrow,
stern as a rock that questions dash against
and die like waves away

into a stillness
worn and dear as a mother's hands,
a space of mercy, a space of quiet
a dear and gracious place

and shall I truly know
some day
that high, glad, lifting joy
that lilting happiness?

I am open to the earth and sky
washed by rain and dried by sun,
the scarecrow stands in empty fields
as happy and as free.
And wheeling seasons circle like the birds
in my embrace
transparent now of any fear

and love has made me hollow
and love has made me whole

By night we shall go, by night
seeking to find the source
thirst alone our light
thirst alone our light

Vision and Vanity

2009-07-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

When God gives a vision, we must act upon it. I attended the Adventist Intercollegiate Association (AIA) meetings at AUC in April 2008 as an outgoing SA president. My vision was to unite SDA universities around a worthy fundraising cause. At the meetings, I met Aimie, a representative from LLU who had Malamulo on her heart, a ready made cause to back up my vision. The next few days were a whirl of proposal writing, committee wrangling, funneling into the grand finale at the general AIA session on Friday. That Friday afternoon, the proposal I had written with Aimie, still hot off the copy machine as the debate began, was presented, attacked, revised, passionately defended, and finally passed. God gave me this vision, and I acted upon it. What a wonderful moment of clarity, my mount Malamulo moment.

I wish I could experience more Malamulo moments, where my vision is clear, my heart pure, and my sense of purpose therefore undeviating. I like to fight, feet firmly planted on the high ground of overwhelming conviction. No matter if the ground of circumstance lies in a valley. Indeed, the more depressing the circumstance, the higher stands my solid conviction. Everyone is different, I suppose, but for me, Malamulo moments are rare.

The problem with finding clear vision is vanity. I mean vanity like the King James version uses the word in Ecclesiastes: "vanity of vanities, all is vanity". Another translation says "soap bubbles, soap bubbles, all is soap bubbles". I'm also thinking of the proud, ambitious, self-conscious kinds of vanity.

Vanity is what we see and feel disconnected from what we only know and believe by faith. In Pilgrim's progress, Christian and His friend Faithful are captured at vanity fair. Perhaps it's no coincidence that Faithful dies a brutal death at vanity fair. Nothing is more incompatible with vanity than faithfulness. For vanity is fickle, dependant on feeling alone. Faithfulness is a divine gift from God, steady, like a rock, and eternal. Vanity is a quagmire exuding a poisonous miasma; it sends up a mirage of beauty to lure weary souls into a sinking abyss of despair.

Most importantly, vanity is self-absorption, and it's like trying to mount a soap bubble on a wedding ring.

So far, I have found that vision lasts through good feelings and bad, waves of self-doubt or self-confidence, riding the applause of friends and family or plunging through the storms of universal disapproval. Vision does not grow into such an adamantine jewel unless the dross of vanity has first been thoroughly purged away, however. When the purgative process is truly complete, then our vain desires are no longer of any significance. The only thing left is a vision from God, different for each one of us, but also the same: directing us forward into His wide open arms of infinite love.

What's the take home message? This blog is about vision and vanity. Vision is adamantine. Vanity is a soap bubble. God gives us vision when we give Him our vanity. Finally, vision is about finding love, lasting love, love worth fighting for with feet firmly planted on the high ground of conviction. It's about the love of God and God alone.

Creator and creature

2009-07-08T04:22:00.000-07:00

Romans 1:25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen

Worshipping created people or things more than our Creator is a sin. Two characteristics—intrinsic blessedness and eternal life—merit and demand our worship. We should worship the source, not one of its channels.

Love and worship ought to be inextricably connected in our relationship to God, but in human relationships, worship must be removed. Thus, the Devil’s temptation is to encourage truly beautiful love-worship for a creature rather than The Creator. Like the forbidden fruit, this temptation is clothed in a desirable, justified, and inexpressibly beautiful garb. Unless we understand the real issue at stake—worship must be for Creator, not creature—we feel that rejecting this temptation is unreasonable, cruel, and masochistic.

Spiritual growth is the key to beating this temptation. Our daily walk of worship and love for God must continue uninterrupted until we are thoroughly rooted and grounded in Him. Then the love of God will begin coursing through us to others, not in search of any blessedness or eternal security, but simply for the joy of giving. Such love is its own reward, and anything returned to the giver can therefore be received as an extraordinary, unmerited gift. And finally, such love will show the Devil’s temptation for what it truly is, a receding mirage, imaginary bauble, and tasteless pabulum.

Guidance and Growth

2009-07-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

Growth is God's primary objective in our lives. Growth, therefore, is the key to guidance. While we often see God's guidance determined by a few monumental decisions, the truth is that these decisions are often merely the final fruition of long-standing growth patterns.

Now I'm not saying that there are no important, monumental decisions. The more monumental the decision, however, the more growth required before it can be made. Too often, we assume that a decision must be made immediately, when in reality, we have plenty of time to grow before the decision is truly imminent.

I have put the growth principle to work in my search for God's guidance, and found it tremendously powerful. I'm still not completely sure about decisions I've made in the past or decisions I will make in the future, but I have found a sense of purpose, strength, and validity in growth. Uncertainty is not eliminated by growth, but it is definitely rendered impotent. The wonderful truth is that the more we grow, the more uncertainty we can handle, even though 9 times out of 10, growth will help us see our decision with more certainty, not less.

Background

2009-07-06T03:56:00.000-07:00

When I came to Southern, I was unsure of God's guidance. My first choice was to major in history at Dartmouth; my second was architecture or archaeology at Andrews.

I can remember struggling to follow God 100% during my first semester. Many, many times I prayed "God, I am completely and totally yours. Just show me what to do". Despite my native shyness, I found myself taking groups of fellow students to do ministry in slum districts of Chattanooga. I began meeting student leaders and teaching at 9:60 sabbath school. Second semester, I added the position of SEYC treasurer to my growing list of activities.

I cranked up my involvement tenfold during my sophomore year, and expanded on my early vision to bring student leaders together on a common platform of service. I had meetings with representatives of Sabbath schools, SA senate, SMC, SEYC, and other clubs. I talked, exhorted, dreamed, and schemed. In short, I became a politician, not a well-known or popular big man on campus, but with a finger on the pulse of student leadership. Then during an SA senate meeting, Bill Wohlers announced that nobody was running for SA president, and looked pointedly in my direction.

Several soul searching days later and after good talk with Anh Pham, I went for a hike on the Biology trail. I was smitten with doubt, unsure where God was leading, certain only that personal ambition was woefully part of my reason for running. I returned without peace, but time was running out. With less than two days to collect my 100 signatures, I picked up an application, and tore into action.

As SA president, I never wondered where God was leading me personally. I was too busy dealing with other dilemmas. Before I knew it, I was done, exhausted, and considerably aged.

The summer after my SA presidential year was the most extraordinarily busy time of my life-- Physics, MCAT, Smoky Mountain Flora, and hundreds, perhaps thousands of hours working on GeoBibles. Then after a 1 week vacation, I leaped into my senior year with an academic load from hell, a Fulbright application, Medical school applications, a passionate determination to raise money for Malamulo college, an unyielding goal to maintain my GPA, and the foolhardiness to be an SA senator with a chairmanship, several committee memberships, and countless ideas for proposals.

Then came my final semester. My academic load was lighter, my applications were done, and Malamulo fundraising was beginning to wrap up. I paused for some serious reflections on God's guidance. Then, all hell broke loose. Suddenly, I was more unsure of God's guidance than ever before. Yet decisions of great magnitude presented themselves. It was a personal crises, because the more I sought to hear God's voice, to submit to His will, to truly listen for the still small voice, the further I drifted from certainty.

This summer, I have struggled to make sense of God's guidance through my college years. Not all my conclusions have come to fruition, but I do have a few ready to share right now. See post above.

Preferred

2009-06-29T09:55:00.001-07:00

After my Fulbright orientation in Washington DC, I spent the weekend with relatives. On Sunday, Ted Howe and I drove up to his Pennsylvania farm and did some work. Believe me, I preferred that day on the farm over the Fulbright orientation, all measures of success from networking, fundraising, and other forms of politicking aside. Isn't that an awesome tractor?

Hymns Harvested

2009-06-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hopefully, this list can be a resource for spicing up song services, enriching your devotional life, or (at the risk of becoming tiresome)...
serving as the springboard for the next phase of my idea:
Leave your favorite two hymns from the list below in a comment. Then, I'll use your submissions for a poll to discover the top five unknown gems in our hymnal.

37 O Sing, My Soul, Your Maker's Praise
49 Savior, Breathe an Evening Blessing
62 How Lovely Is Thy Dwelling Place
90 Eternal God, Whose Power Upholds
98 Can You Count the Stars?

116 Of the Father's Love Begotten

128 Break Forth, O Beauteous Heavenly Light

148 O Love, How Deep, How Broad
209 That Glorious Day Is Coming
215 The Church Has Waited Long
224 Seek Ye First the Kingdom
263 Fire of God, Thou Sacred Flame
284 For You I Am Praying
315 O for a Closer Walk!
345 Christ Is the World's True Light
356 All Who Love and Serve Your City
357 Come, Labor On
374 Jesus, With Thy Church Abide
385 Crowning Jewell of Creation
459 As the Bridegroom to His Chosen
460 As Water to the Thirsty
481 Father, Lead Me Day by Day
488 At First I Prayed for Light
498 Still, Still With Thee
519 Give to the Winds Your Fears
536 God, Who Stretched the Spangled Heavens
554 O Let Me Walk With Thee
555 Shepherd of Tender Youth
575 Let Your Heart Be Broken
611 Awake, My Soul!
636 God, Whose Giving Knows No Ending
639 A Diligent and Grateful Heart
642 We Praise the With Our Minds
Old Hymnal: Christian Dost thou see Him?

Hymn Harvest

2009-06-11T04:57:00.000-07:00

There are many unknown gems in our hymnal. I'd like to collect a list of the best. "Unknown" means any hymn which you have rarely or never heard sung in church. "Gems" must have unusually powerful words or music (preferably both). Leave me a comment with your top five unknown gems. When this hymn harvest yields a list of at least fifteen unknown gems, I'll put up a poll for everyone to vote on their top favorites. Then, I'll write a blog on the top five hymns which garner the most votes, with commentary, history, and spiritual lessons. I will also pay tribute to the person who submitted the largest proportion of the top five unknown gems.

Beautiful people

2009-06-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern for others. Beautiful people do not just happen.

--Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

I'd like to be a beautiful person one day, so as I go through trials, I'm trying to remember their beautifying power.

What is this?

2009-06-09T15:05:00.001-07:00

Strange

2009-06-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

I just paused to realize that God is strange. I've done this before, but right now, it seems even more powerfully true than ever. God does not do things like we do or think like we do. We all know people who think differently than us, but the difference in thinking takes on a new dimension with God. Can you possibly imagine a being whose thinking is completely, even infinitely strange?

What got me thinking about this was Jomart. He's an apparently well connected Kyrgyz guy about my age who speaks 5 languages fluently, has already worked in the US and the Czech republic, and will be staying at my house this summer. I could tell you how this happened or the about plans I have for pursuing our mutual interest in networking, but that would be just telling you all about my mundane human response to the extraordinary workings of God and His infinitely strange and surprising thinking.

A wee tour

2009-06-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

I stacked many cords of wood this morning into our woodshed. Just before lunch, Mom asked me to go pick up Rollo, who had run away to the local school (always replete with little playmates to romp with). The radio was tuned to NPR, playing the last portion of Copeland's new-world symphony. At the symphony's conclusion, the announcer threw in a piece of trivia about one of its themes--Simple Gifts. The composer of Simple Gifts was Elder Joseph Brackett, born in Cumberland, Maine, on May 6, 1797.

Thus, I did some research on Cumberland Maine. And that's where I picked up the name of Ephraim Sturdivant. You see, Ephraim was elected by the town government to come up with a name for their new town, and he obliged with the appellation of Cumberland, which it has remained to this day. Sturdivant then became the first treasurer of Cumberland. Before that, he had been a ship captain and fought in the war of 1812. He must have been an enterprising chap, for he was the first to introduce Merino sheep in Maine. He lived to a ripe old age of 86, married three times, had nine kids, and enjoyed twelve enormous pine trees which stood around his hilltop home. The trees were known for miles around as the twelve apostles. Indeed, these trees were so large they served as a major landmark for ships coming in from sea.

I figured a name like Sturdivant would be dutch, but his ancestors came over on the Mayflower. Maybe they were Dutch converts from the pilgrim's sojourn in Holland.

Oh and here's a cool picture. See if you can figure out why I'm including it

bathroom reading

2009-06-04T17:16:00.000-07:00

I'm practically addicted to reading. I sometimes even catch myself reading shampoo ingredients in the shower or cereal nutrition facts at breakfast. I also hate to waste time. Thus, having a good book in the bathroom is a must, although if it's too good, I end up staying longer than necessary. My bathroom reading fare of late has been a commentary on Esther. God is not mentioned in Esther, but His providence is clearly woven into the story. Here's an interesting point the commentator makes

"Any deity worth his salt can do a miracle now and then. Our God is so great, so powerful, that he can work without miracles through the ordinary events..."

I get caught up asking God for miracles of faith, healing, love, and guidance, when God is sending all these things into my life through "ordinary" events, imperceptible perhaps, but real and consequential as fire blasting down on mount Carmel.

life changing letter

2009-06-04T04:20:00.001-07:00

I recommend reading Roger Morneau's book "The Incredible Power of Prayer" Here are excerpts from one of his letters (the unabridged version is provided in the post below)

Dear Mrs. Gray
Please do not allow yourself to lose your trust in the Lord by thinking that perhaps you are somehow deficient in your spiritual life, and therefore unable to draw closer to Him. Take courage.

My dear sister, with God's help I can help you establish a wonderful relationship with God. But it will be one that will be solidly founded on the Word of God and not on feelings or emotions excited to some kind of ecstasy. Its degree of excellence rests strictly on Calvary. Every morning ask the Lord Jesus to appropriate to you the merits of the blood he shed on Calvary for the remission of sin, and for Him to clothe you with the robe of his Righteousness. As the apostle Paul states in his Epistle to the Philippians: "And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know him, and the power of his resurrection" [Philippians 3:9,10]

Your letter especially interested me because so many of God's people struggle with the same worry. Has the Lord lost interest in them since they do not feel His presence as they once did? They feel that it is no longer easy for them to go to church, or to even have their devotions with the joy they once had. And they fear the future, concerned that they might not make it to the city of God. Furthermore, they feel that their lack of goodness makes it hard to live for God. As they look back upon their sinful life and the way they lived before coming to God, they become more disheartened and feel like giving up.

I consider such a condition to be a spiritual malaria brought about by the enemies of all righteousness It's no wonder that the Bible tells us that "the just shall live by faith" [Habakkuk 2:4; Romans 1:17]. Or to put it another way, take God at his word and live for Him regardless of how you may feel.

I know of only one way to escape the deadly spiritual malaria destroying the Christin experience of so many people. It is to memorize verses of Scripture that tell of God's love for sinners, such as "Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy" [Micah 7:18]

We must never forget the fact that as long as we live in this land of the enemy, Satan and his spirit associates will do everything possible to make us feel terrible. They may even torture the minds of some of us as they did to John the Baptist. If he had listened to his feelings while in prison, he would have missed out on eternal life.

You may not agree with me, but I am inclined to believe that the Spirit of God is preparing you for a special work, one that will demand that you walk by faith and not by sight or feelings of ecstasy. The time will soon be here when God's commandment-keeping churches will need individuals who will walk by faith only, no matter what. It is my firm conviction that, by the grace of Him who went the way of Calvary to accomplish our salvation, you will be made a great overcomer.

Unabridged

2009-06-04T03:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Mrs. Gray
I read your letter of April 21 a number of times and immediately presented it before the Lord. As I did so I implored His grace for you and your family, setting forth in great detail how demonic spirits have one objective in mind--to destroy your confidence in God

Please do not allow yourself to lose your trust in the Lord by thinking that perhaps you are somehow deficient in your spiritual life, and therefore unable to draw closer to Him. Take courage.

"He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust" [Psalm 103:10-14]

You stated in your letter "I long, oh, so much, to Know his presence, His love, personally as I once did."

My dear sister, with God's help I can help you establish a wonderful relationship with God. But it will be one that will be solidly founded on the Word of God and not on feelings or emotions excited to some kind of ecstasy. Its degree of excellence rests strictly on Calvary. Every morning ask the Lord Jesus to appropriate to you the merits of the blood he shed on Calvary for the remission of sin, and for Him to clothe you with the robe of his Righteousness. As the apostle Paul states in his Epistles to the Philippians: "And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know him, and the power of his resurrection" [Philippians 3:9,10]

When you let Him place you in such a state, our heavenly Father views you in a whole new light. In my own Christian walk I have experienced what Paul is writing about, and it is the ultimate in closeness with God in this land of the enemy

Your letter especially interested me because so many of God's people struggle with the same worry. Has the Lord lost interest in them since they do not feel His presence as they once did? They feel that it is no longer easy for them to go to church, or to even have their devotions with the joy they once had. And they fear the future, concerned that they might not make it to the city of God. Furthermore, they feel that their lack of goodness makes it hard to live for God. As they look back upon their sinful life and the way they lived before coming to God, they become more disheartened and feel like giving up.

I consider such a condition to be a spiritual malaria brought about by the enemies of all righteousness

It's no wonder that the Bible tells us that "the just shall live by faith" [Habakkuk 2:4; Romans 1:17]. Or to pout it another way, take God at his word and life for Him regardless of how you may feel

I know of only one way to escape the deadly spiritual malaria destroying the Christin experience of so many people. It is to memorize verses of Scripture that tell of God's love for sinners, such as John 3:16, "For God so loved the word" or "Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy" [Micah 7:18]

Let's consider David's Life, for example.

Think of it--here is a man who had lived life to its fullest. Most of his years were an honor to God and a glory to his nation, but not all of them. Even though he was a man after God's own heart, he still committed iniquity. For example, he coveted the wife of one of his military officers and lusted to have her as his own. Even more than that, he devised a way he could have her husband killed and out of the way. Then he rejoiced when he received the news of Uriah's death

To understand the full extent of the wickedness he had done, we must bear in mind that the word iniquity implies having done great evil with the full understanding that God was witnessing it all and that the individual didn't care a bit that God's commandments forbade such wickedness. What David did, I consider to be outright rebellion against Someone whom he claimed to love and serve. His sin was deliberate and premeditated

Now consider this. Humanly speaking, a man like that should not have expected God to forgive his wickedness. But because David became repentant and confessed his great iniquity, the Bible tells us that God forgave him. And I find great comfort in the thought that if He could forgive David after what he did, He is will able to forgive me, as He did 47 years ago despite the fact that I worshiped spirits and declared I hated Him.

Years ago I memorized a large part of David's psalm of repentance (Psalm 51), particularly verses 1-3 and 10-12. These scriptures have solidified my confidence in God's willingness to forgive and, above all, to forget

As I have looked back on my life, the thought has often entered my mind that God could never have forgiven me. But immediately, I recognized such doubt as an attempt by an evil angel to dishearten me and to have me give up on God. The only way to block such thoughts is to begin quoting verses of Scripture that tell of God's goodness and love. I especially like to quote the words of the apostle Paul"

"I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creatures, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" [Romans 8:38,39]

We must never forget the fact that as long as we live in this land of the enemy, Satan and his spirit associates will do everything possible to make us feel terrible. They may even torture the minds of some of us as they did to John the Baptist. If he had listened to his feelings while in prison, he would have missed out on eternal life.

Think of it: here was a man who lived for God, had done everything possible to bring glory to Him, but now found himself languishing in a clod and foul-smelling dungeon. I believe that you will agree with me--he would have had a good reason to give up on God.

But like other great people of the Bible (read the eleventh chapter of Hebrews), he had fortified his mind with Scripture, and as he lifted his heart to God in prayer, the Spirit of God fortified him in right thinking, not with feelings of ecstasy

Although he lost his life for the cause of God, Jesus honored him when he said "Verily I say unto you, Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist" [Matthew 11:11]

You may not agree with me, but I am inclined to believe that the Spirit of God is preparing you for a special work, one that will demand that you walk by faith and not by sight or feelings of ecstasy. The time will soon be here when God's commandment-keeping churches will need individuals who will walk by faith only, no matter what

At that time God's people will need encouragement from such special people. People whom the Spirit of God has already led to fortify themselves by memorizing the Word of God. And it could very well be that Jesus wants you to be one of those powerful people

It is my firm conviction that, by the grace of Him who went the way of Calvary to accomplish our salvation, you will be made a great overcomer.

Conclusions?

2009-06-02T16:42:00.000-07:00

I harvested thoughts with post and poll about things necessary and unnecessary, so now I owe a conclusion. Sorry, but I don't have one. I do have a few thoughts, however.

First, something extraordinarily abstract and tortuously thoughtful

Necessary things can be organized in a contextual tree of meaning. The trunk is an ultimate necessity from which all other necessities branch off. This trunk, which remains constant across time and space, provides an anchor for all other necessities. As the tree grows, branches grow at different rates, also sprouting varying numbers of subsidiary branches in space. This growth pattern occurs in time and space, and constantly changes the relative importance of outer branching necessities coming off the ultimate trunk necessity.

Thus, there are two contexts, one working within the other, the context of time and space operating within the context of meaning. The context of meaning is eternally changeless, while the context of time and space is precisely the opposite--eternally changing with each life event. As the tree matures, a generally acceptable axiom will be that branches closer to the context of meaning will be less affected by the context of time and space. In other words, the context of time and space becomes more and more relevant as one proceeds outward from the context of meaning. The inverse is not true, however. The context of meaning always applies with complete relevance to every fiber of the tree. It's just that the context of time and space will be changing which outer branches are affected by the context of meaning.

Notes:

Tree=contextual framework and hierarchy of meaning for all necessities, great and small
Branches=necessities of varying degrees, with outer branches being less necessary than the main or inner branches
Tree growth=time and space, while result of tree growth is the context of time and space
Trunk=ultimate necessity = God

Now, the whole point of my original blog was to force some concrete thinking on an abstract topic, and here I am waxing far more immaterial than any commentator on my previous post. Oh well.

Here's a thought: Some things are gloriously unnecessary, extravagant, and even ridiculous, therefore quite appropriate in certain circumstances. If we said such things were therefore necessary, it would suck dry the whole point of doing them in the first place.

Useful rules of thumb

Excess is bad
Utility is good
Context matters
Wealth is not always unnecessary
Time-saving devices may complicate life
Put quality over extravagance

Here are the poll results

car 4 (25%)
canoe 1 (6%)
bank account 1 (6%)
box of favorite books 10 (62%)

Necessary/unnecessary

2009-05-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

The poll and the list below are an attempt to gain some insight from readers of my blog on what's most important. For the purpose of this poll, assume that the bank account does not contain enough money to buy any of the other items. For the list of unnecessary things, tell me what you think about what I've put down or suggest some additions.

Larger Reality

2009-05-26T10:15:00.001-07:00

Facebook usually doesn't present opportunities for thoughtful exchange. That's why I blog. Facebook is for effortlessly and somewhat thoughtlessly staying in touch with everyone, from those I know extremely well to those I barely remember meeting even once. Despite this reality, I did post a thoughtful status update on Facebook which sparked an exchange worth sharing in a blog.

Barry Howe is looking for that larger reality, which usually seems to be larger mainly because it's so invisible.

Facebook comment at 10:41am May 26
This is truth

Barry Howe at 12:28pm May 26
Yes, it is true, but whether or not the larger reality actually is larger for this reason is debatable

Facebook comment at 12:41pm May 26
this could go back and forth for a long time!

Barry Howe at 1:14pm May 26
Only if we both had a vested interest in the outcome, or in other words, only if we both believed that the actual existence of a larger reality mattered in our personal experience.

first sail

2009-05-22T12:47:00.001-07:00

I went sailing, tacking upwind in case the wind died. The wind died, so I turned down wind.

Days

2009-05-20T04:30:00.000-07:00

The sermon on the mount is worth reading any day of the week, because it provides clear commandments for all important questions. Yesterday morning, I read the part about adding cubits, considering the lilies, and taking no thought for the morrow.

Crucial.

I'm not studying for the LSAT this May after all. Instead, I'm working hard outside, learning practical skills I could and should have been learning from my Dad for years. Today, I will cut up some birch for a friend, repair our dock, find the dock's mooring and put a buoy on it, keep searching for rotten balsa in our 21 foot S2, and insulate part of our water line from the well to the house.

I'm not sure of any connection between considering lilies and skipping the LSAT for hard physical labor and practical learning, but the connection would only have relevance to someone taking thought for the morrow--by trying to add a cubit to his Rhodes scholarship application with a superlative LSAT score, for instance.

Yellow-rumped Warbler

2009-05-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

John's jaw still wasn't feeling in top form yet. We had come home rather than staying at potluck and had lunch as a family. Dad, John, and I were working on a puzzle. Mom was taking a rest. Rollo was sleeping too, but then he started to grunt, whine, and talk. Dad went to investigate, and there on the outdoor mat sat a stunned little bird. Rollo didn't try to eat the bird, despite my misgivings. Finally, the bird flitted to the mountain laurel bush, but for about 30 seconds, remained discombobulated enough for me to snap a few more pictures.

Badger

2009-05-13T18:11:00.001-07:00

My mom is reading a book called "The Zookeeper's Wife." It recounts the story of Antonina, a Polish woman who hid Jewish refugees in her zoo. Mom told me a story from the book about a badger that potty trained itself after watching Antonina's toddler learning. I've always thought badgers were interesting, so I looked up some pictures and facts this evening. Turns out badgers aren't quite as cute as I had thought. I still like badgers, however, and wouldn't mind having one for a pet. Here are some facts:

Badger hair is used to make premier shaving brushes
A male badger called a boar
If you live in Norway, you might know about the eggshells in boot custom. Apparently, the badger will only stop biting your foot when he hears a good crunch (so trick the munchkin with eggshells).
Some badgers live in clans

This is a honey badger from southern Africa

show

2009-05-12T04:48:00.000-07:00

I've heard that some time early on, kids have show and tell at school. I never did, because I studied at home until college. I finished college a few weeks ago, so I'm done with college, but barely started with other things--learning life, for instance.

In learning life, I've decided that an equal emphasis on show and tell does not work in my life. I have great skill at telling, but precious little at showing. No matter how wise, eloquent, timely, or even sincere my telling may be, a poor showing skulks behind the beautiful mist screen of telling. If I reflect back to see my poor showing and you pause to look closely, we'll both see that I'm all fake, like ersatz water or plastic ice cream, like virtual fire projected on a cold concrete wall.

I'm taking the life class on unfeigned love, hearty friendship, honest cheer, and real talk, but I can't be writing essays or making in-class comments until I can manage to show up.

Dust

2009-04-28T17:44:00.000-07:00

I am dust. And also done with college. I'm learning to let God be in charge, but it's not easy.

I kept my pledge from the last post, except for one facebook status change and two checkings of a blog.

Here's the kind of thing I feel like doing right now

Guess what? I got my Fulbright grant. Feeling rather fragmented this moment. Can you tell?

April forecast

2009-03-30T02:17:00.000-07:00

I figured out how I'm going to get through my last month of school.

In my free time:
--no more blogs, no more checking of blogs, or writing comments
--no more facebook
--no more reading the news

Instead,
--Run
--Read Bible

See you later fellow bloggers!

sorry but it's philosophical

2009-03-26T02:23:00.000-07:00

A self has identity and individuality. Identity requires identification, individuality demands differentiation, and both occur only in a community. Thus, the autonomous self is an oxymoron.

Perhaps I just came up with an excessively logical way to state the obvious. I just keep coming back to my favorite philosophical concept: community.

Of course, I'm currently wondering about the intimate connection between intellectual honesty and epistemology. Both concepts demand something impossible, yet maybe not. I can't kick an intuition that community is the golden key to open every paradox lock, or at the least, combine them all into the central paradox of community itself! Personally, I think the body of Christ analogy opens the lock to the community paradox.

Jeepable

2009-03-25T04:32:00.001-07:00

Baluchistan, Pakistan,

--under consideration by US forces for drone plane attacks, due to apparently increasing levels of radical Islamic activity.

I found this on a website

"There is a jeepable road winding through the hills covered by the Kato Juniper forest. The length of the road is about six miles and it rises to an altitude of over 1,000 feet from the starting point. For those who like to climb the walk is a good one and is rewarded with series of fine views."

Anyone up for a checking out a jeepable road? I am. And much more too

Three

2009-03-25T02:12:00.001-07:00

Read
Pray
Proceed

Me, Me, Me: Rebuked

2009-03-25T01:58:00.000-07:00

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

Four key words:

called to let the peace of Christ rule, remaining thankful

What's in a picture

2009-03-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

Whether you're a relativist or not, what's in a picture tells you something about yourself. What's in this picture?

Wahida Sher-Agha

2009-03-23T04:40:00.000-07:00

Wahida Sher-Agha is an Afghan girl who fell off a bridge when she was eight. The fall cracked her jaw so badly that for the next eight years, she couldn't open her mouth more than an inch. Now, Wahida is spending a year in the US, staying with the Shapiro family in Trumball Connecticut. She recently received surgery for free at the Jacobi Medical Center. Everything is paid for by the Ray Tye Medical Aid Foundation.

Tribute

2009-03-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

A true and sincere tribute is delivered with a sense of closure and finality

honest, absolutely real, submitted to God,

But words can never express the debt of priceless tribute I truly owe

for God's hand gently guiding, in pain yes, but all and only for sunlight, for morning, for a brighter, better day

Runners up

2009-03-11T10:09:00.000-07:00

Winner posted on top for comparison

Prayer, thought, meditation

2009-03-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

Prayer, thought, meditation: mix and let stand. And wait, wait for the final ingredient, wait I say, wait on the Lord.

God of light, why darkness?
God of comfort, how pain?
God of peace, whence restlessness?

If God would explode in my face with an unmistakable command, then I wouldn't ask questions. Then I wouldn't have darkness, pain, or restless feelings. But perhaps then I wouldn't have light, comfort, or peace either.

Here's my question, my real and terrible question: am I following self, making things ambiguous for my own convenience, clouding my own mind, bringing my own pain, supplying my own restlessness? What if God has made things plain enough, and I'm just kicking against the pricks of His still small voice?

Perhaps I am. I suppose we should always ask this question, and always know the answer is always yes. That's why I suppose grace is so incredible. Nothing I seek comes from a pure heart, I'm continually base, continually the incorrigible self-sacrifice wriggling of the alter.

One thing I know, one thing I'll hold on to, and it's this: God is out there, He cares what I do, cares how I go through life, and He cares what decisions I make or don't make. But more than that He just cares. He cares. He sure does. God cares about me more than anything, more than everything, much much more than all my crazy questions, all my self-serving sophism and confusing conundrums.

God, I'm not sure how to run through my course, a course I've made for myself unwittingly, a course you made too--somehow in a way I absolutely do not understand. I want you to know something though God, and that is that I care too. And I love you, by the way. You know, of course, of the course, and know I love you. But when I think about it all this way and tell you, I feel better about life. I feel like maybe I can keep bull dozing along after all. You created me after all, and you know how to get me going, max me out, exhaust me with fruitless exercise, running me like a merciless trainer preparing his favorite athlete. You know that I will get up from my painful bumps and falls, and you know I'll hold on to you no matter what, no matter anything and everything. And perhaps you know why, something I don't know quite yet. Perhaps you know that unless I had something to struggle for, gasp for like a drowning man, claw for like a desperate, slipping man, then I would not have anything to do with it.

What, do I live for pain, like an incurable masochist? Or do I live for the God who struggles by my side? Do I live for camaraderie with the infinite and loving God, a God who knows far far better than I what a dark, painful, restless day is all about? Oh man, Oh God, that's something to live, fight, struggle for, something much better, more gritty and essential than tepid things like mere light, peace, and comfort. Such things will come, I think, but mean nothing unless they squeeze out from the gritty, essentialist relationship I form with my God, and more importantly, out of what He forms from His relationship with His man, His stupid, headstrong, kicking and screaming man, me.

You're arms are pretty strong, God, and you fight all out. Do you fight by any rules? Hm, maybe that was a really stupid question. Such a savage, fierce, and purposeful fighter must give a mighty strong embrace.

I'm thinking about it

2009-02-25T17:11:00.000-08:00

The special parts of life may be most mundane, the mundane most special. We should not fear the mundane. We should fear the hollow apetite

He left behind an international scholarship fund for Oxford University in his will

Honest 2

2009-02-16T18:22:00.001-08:00

I'll post the runners up later

Honest

2009-02-01T13:46:00.000-08:00

I will not elaborate

This Friday night

2009-01-30T16:17:00.000-08:00

I went running. My knee was still stiff from a Christmas break skiing accident, but after finishing the Greenway, I relaxed. John was at a supper for Shama's aunt Cherie, but he brought soup back, made by Shama and Temple. I had one bowl, then three more, and then stopped pouring into my bowl, and just finished off the soup. There wasn't much left by that time anyway.

I want to go to vespers, but more to hymn-sing afterwards--to sing there, see friends, beautiful faces, and hear hymns, hearty harmony.

Things are on my heart and mind too, this Friday night, big decisions, careful thinking required. Love to all, specially to those on my mind right now, family and friends.

Uncertainty

2009-01-15T17:20:00.000-08:00

To the same extent that uncertainty is a sign of weakness, vacillation, and cowardice, it is also a fact of life, and as such must be faced with strength, decision, and courage in order to survive. The more deeply this paradox is understood, the more thoughtfully we can embrace uncertainty. The more thoughtfully we embrace uncertainty, the more tightly we will embrace its unknown depths, encircling, compartmentalizing, bounding off its essence until an illusion of knowledge issues from the embrace--knowledge of the unknown. Thus, one paradox leads to another, for we cannot "know what we do not know" in either two senses of the phrase.

If strength, decision, and courage were not fundamentally different than weakness, vacillation, and cowardice, the origins of this particular paradox would be undone, and there would be no paradox. In place of paradox, however, one would have no distinctions, no understanding, and yes...no knowledge.

Paradox annihilates knowledge, but without knowledge, paradox cannot exist. Could knowledge exist without paradox? Those who think the answer is yes will go on to argue that paradox arises from insufficient information, like the blind men and the elephant. Those who think the answer is no will go on to argue that paradox exists for the continual annihilation and rebirth of knowledge, which is a paradoxical argument in its own right, thus essentially committing paradox to a realm above knowledge as the greater explanatory constant of the two. In the first case, those who answer yes must see that their argument does not rest on knowledge. In the second case, those who answer no must see that their exaltation of paradox makes paradox into a definable explanatory force, which is only another paradox, not an explanation.

However, the answer "Could knowledge exist without paradox?" cannot be "neither yes nor no", for such an answer would be either meaningless in terms of knowledge or simply another paradox, which obviously does not actually answer the question. The obvious answer appears to be simply "we cannot know whether yes or no", but uncertainty is after all a sign of weakness, vacillation, and cowardice, which are all ways of death, because after all, survival depends on strength, decision, and courage. Thus, we literally cannot know (or else we would cease to survive) that "we cannot know whether yes or no". In other words, we must know that "we can know whether yes or no", which is certainly knowledge, based on our need to survive, but also clearly a paradox, based on the unalterable fact that we simply cannot know.

In this one case, however, "we know we must know whether yes or no" arises from and supports both paradox and knowledge. Arguments against this one case cannot come from either knowledge or paradox, not both, so no argument can stand before it, as has already been demonstrated.

In conclusion, I survive, therefore I must know whether yes or no, both logically and physically. I do not know whether yes or no, however. Thus, I am in the same position as Nebuchadnezzar when he had a dream he could not remember. All the wise men of Babylon wanted to know the dream, just as I seek to know whether yes or no. Nebuchadnezzar counted these men wise and thought they could give him an answer. In essence, this answer would have been the same for both my case and his, which is why the wise men were utterly incapable of answering. Of course, Nebuchadnezzar was angry because he knew an answer existed.

The answer falls outside of paradox and knowledge, and thus is not really an answer. I have demonstrated that it exists, that you also have it existing just as surely as mine, and finally that it cannot be different than mine, because that would be neither knowledge nor paradox.

Collaborative Blog and Dominoes

2008-11-29T15:45:00.001-08:00

A la David Gerrans, Dylan Waterman, John Howe, Jonathan Gerrans, and Barry Howe, while playing dominoes after eating too much home-made vegan pizza. Dad talks to Liz Waterman in the background about why he thinks EGW was a prophet, preventative medicine, etc...

Son of Pippin the short, Charlemagne encouraged learning and the arts. One of his great contributions was the institution of Carolingian script, an unusually elegant script, especially important because it was more legible.

The domino game continues. Our game names are Rollo, Pistachio, Macadamia, Faust, and OCD.

Rollo almost made 25, but a sneaky two arose to make it a 27. Dvorak Sonata in G for Violin and Piano, Opus 100, plays in the background.

Pistachio submits the following poem in honor of Charlemagne

the roguish son of pippin the Charlemagne, the King of Franks had a terrible weakness for strawberry tort and pink chubby piggy banks.
he wore linen shorts and linen breeches to hide his garish linen leeches fraught his life with warrish strife and getting tan on saxon beaches

Rollo makes 25 for real, but Macadamia disagrees on principle (Rollo is know tied in the lead with Macadamia), whereupon pistachio tries to also make 25, but the group disagrees with his math

Faust suggests this blog worthy of his floccinaucinihilipilification (an act or instance of judging something to be worthless or trivial)

OCD goes to the bone pile, and the score is 26, now 27

Macadamia beats time to Dvorak by pounding his hands on his feet with surprising dexterity. Pistachio declares 5 times 10 to the negative domino as his new argument for getting more points.

Rollo submits the kitten pictures as an accurate portrayal of his post-pizza feeding feelings. Macadamia waffles endlessly over his unfortunately pointless situation. Rollo is derisively mocked for coolly adding 15.

Faust requests the Beautiful Blue Danube

A preposterous, extraordinarily tenuous connection is drawn between a zebra and Charlemagne--something to do with long noses???

We have a bird book with recorded bird sounds, played by a spectator to our riveting game. Whistles, chortles, and wails issue from the book at intervals.

Macadamia wins!

Rollo swallows despairingly as a strange caw and crackle plays from the bird book.

This blog comes to an end.

Thanks and Love

2008-11-28T16:55:00.000-08:00

So many people give, and give, and give to me. I don't deserve it, but I want to say thank you, not to reduce my debt--that's impossible--but because I love these people. Love is for people, not for payment. Giving and saying thankyou is love--thanksgiving.

Mom, for your powerful prayers, and sunny voice on the telephone

Dad, for your strength, and faithful example,

John, for your sensibility and good cheer

Paul, for your confidence and caring

Papa, for being the greatest man of humility I have ever known

Tutu, for your tender, sensitive ways

All the countless others in my life, for being such wonderful, giving people

Most importantly

God, for helping me both see and deeply sense my weaknesses with stark, unavoidable understanding. I have never been more free, thankful, willing to learn from your love and care.

Why Kyrgyzstan?

2008-11-24T18:22:00.000-08:00

I'm no closer to knowing about my Fulbright grant, but am bringing up the subject because so many people have asked me why I picked Kyrgyzstan. I have many reasons, including my fascination with Muslim culture, the opportunities a Fulbright scholarship provides, and the sheer research interest of walnut forest conservation. I must admit, however, that my gut reaction to the question "why Kyrgyzstan?" continues to be what you see below

?

2008-10-31T19:37:00.001-07:00

Sarah Hayhoe is the Southern Accent opinion editor this year, and she has written some thoughtful articles about the importance of questions. I'm currently working out a balanced response to Sarah's ideas, but for now, suffice it to say that she has eloquently pled the case of heroic questioning without mentioning the far more daunting--and equally important--task of generating answers. To be fair, I think Sarah and I agree in substance, if not in emphasis, with my own emphasis probably unbalanced in favor of answers. In "why does nature choke?" however, I take up Sarah's banner, and in "why worship war?" you can read my musings on a highly controversial Vespers service from last year (parts are drawn from a letter to Dr Beitz). Consider the differences in my approach.

Why does nature choke?

2008-10-31T19:34:00.000-07:00

From fierce, choking competition in coral reefs to parastiod wasps that eat their way out of living aphid larvae, life on Earth persists only through death. Furthermore, dieing plants and animals are hapless prey to competitive aggression, not willingly sacrificial benefactors. Like humanity, nature is absolutely rotten and ugly at its core. Vestiges of goodness and beauty may remain, but ultimatly, nature operates by selfish, cutthroat, and occasionaly self-destructive rules. Why?

1. The Devil drastically remodeled thousands of God's innocent creatures
2. Creatures evolved in response to sin
3. God used His creative power to change his creatures into selfish survivors

Options one and two give unusual creative power to evolution or the Devil. Option three is hardly palatable. Did God create that parasitoid wasp, for instance?

Why Worship War?

2008-10-31T19:01:00.000-07:00

I must make a point, most vital, personal, and telling. It is vital because it strikes to the core of our Adventist identity. It is telling because it will reveal your own values. It is personal, because I make it as a young Christian man, searching for a way to walk in leadership with the light of personal conviction guiding the decisions I make for a group.

I believe that regardless of Jillian Englund’s undoubted Christian sincerity, the medium largely destroyed her message, not for me alone, but for everyone, not just at this point in our cultural progression, but for any time or place. This conviction is at the heart of the matter. Otherwise, I must turn back every page of my troubled conscience, and relegate my convictions to a subservient role.
The postmodern reassurance is futile. Doubtless, my personal truth can be personally absolute, but if I am the weaker brother in Corinthians, then God should help me overcome my squeamishness. Couldn't God do this at least as easily as a bona fide temptation? Furthermore, what is the postmodern's conclusion about the hundreds of students who demonstrated similar discomfort? Do I conclude that for the group, we must all give up convictions until all are completely comfortable with whatever any professed Christian is comfortable with?

In our postmodern cult of personal truth, we worship individuality in others until we must give up our own in order to avoid offending. But such reasoning is nonsense! It is entirely possible for a sincere Christian to make a major mistake. Regardless of the unending movement of cultural sensibilities, principles of Christian worship should remain, no matter what the era. True worship is reverent, unaffected, and points to God alone. Jillian Englund’s vespers was irreverent. The rock music idiom is categorically rebellious. The presentation was primarily a performance, calling attention to Jillian, not God.

Right communication of the gospel is essential. Medium and message are inseparable components of communication. If either the medium or the message is wrong, the gospel is not communicated. Devils proclaimed Jesus the Son of God, but were rebuked, based on the medium, not the message.

This question applies to more than theological debate. Wonderfully libertarian, free-thinking, and progressive as our generation is, we need anchors, dug deep into the solid bedrock of shared values. Total relativism and individualism uproot all common anchors, and set communities adrift, fueling the fires of demagoguery rather than freedom. In a world where truth is relative only to the individual, differences of opinion still exist, and when controversy arises from them, it is the strongman, not the community, that wins. Therefore, true democracy centers on community first, while cultural and religious grounding, not postmodern ideals, determine the rights of an individual.

A good humored perambulation

2008-10-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

Life is tough sometimes, often because we unwittingly abuse ourselves. For over three years, I've been burning up my time and energy like an alcoholic wasting his pay check at a bar. I need to slow down. I've started to get chest pain on stressful days. I'm going to make a new Year's resolution to have at least one normal college semester. For now, hemmed in by the choices I've made for this semester, a good humored perambulation will have to serve as temporary tonic.

Braam Oberholster is my Fulbright Program advisor, and he's from South Africa, doubtless of Boer descent, based on his accent. Braam is a humble, great-hearted man, with not the slightest hint of racism in his person. Boers in general, however, were extremely racist at one time. I read a book about the struggle against apartheid in South Africa this summer. I didn't have time to read it like a normal person, so I kept it in the bathroom, and practiced multi tasking.

Racism reminds me of "History of the South", the upper division writing class I'm taking this semester. This class has given me many striking insights into the antebellum south, often garnered from the reading assignments, which are usually a collection of original documents. One such document is the account of a wealthy architect's travels through the South in the 1830s. At one point, he stopped at a home for the night. The family gave him the bed, while they slept on the floor. In the middle of the night, they all awoke scratching violently--bed bugs!

John and I fled our room a few weeks ago because our suite mates had bedbugs, but that's not what really has be thinking about the poor architect. You see, before he went to bed, the family served him pork. They may not have cooked it too well, which would have left the door wide open for a few parasites to slip down the travelers throat. Tania solium, for instance, is the beef tapeworm. Parasitology has been a great class, but the number of parasites we learn about every class period is staggering. Sample Diphllobothrium latum, Echinococcus granulosus, Spirometra mansonoides, or Hymenolepis nana, for instance. For each, you must dutifully memorize detailed information about life cycle, treatment, symptoms, hosts, geographic range, etc...

Perhaps I'll continue this perambulation in a later post, but I'm beginning to totter

Today's Schedule

7:00-10:00 Finish Fulbright with Braam
10:00-11:00 Parasitology
11:00-12:00 History of the South
12:30-1:00 Lunch
1:00-2:00 Bio Talk 2
2:00-3:00 Ecology
3:00-4:00 Bio Talk 3
4:00-5:00 Parasitology
5:00-5:30 Issues paper
5:30-6:00 Supper
6:00-7:00 Parasitology

Ready?

2008-10-07T04:11:00.001-07:00

Before the Triathlon, I did have a vague feeling I would do well, but nothing convicting. The truth is this: unless we train, practice, or study, we will never be ready, whether we feel like it or not. Are you convicted about the soon coming of Jesus, and if so, in what way? Are you training, practicing, and studying? I need to do better.

Are we ever ready?

2008-10-05T04:24:00.001-07:00

Triathlon today.

I'm doing it.

NOT ready

Have you ever experienced a strange conviction that somehow, despite the odds, you will win? The first time I competed in the concerto competition, I had this conviction, and I lost. The second time, I was literally doing it just for fun, and I had no mysterious convictions about beating the odds. But the second time, I won. MCAT, SAT, Cell and Molecular Biology final, Knoxville marathon? Sometimes I have the feeling, and sometimes I don't. Fulbright, University of Vermont, other hazy dreams or ambitions in the future? Sometimes I have the feeling, and sometimes I don't.

What about this Triathlon? I'll tell you later, because for one thing, I'm never sure until afterwards.

Fulbright update

2008-09-26T07:33:00.001-07:00

I'm very close, both to success and failure. More later, when I know more. I give myself a 50% chance of turning in my application (necessary affiliations haven't quite fallen into place yet). If I turn in my application, I give myself another 50% chance of winning the Fulbright.

Transcript

2008-09-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

I should take a shower after the hike John and I just finished. Today is Sabbath, and this morning we found our way to Signal Point National Park, hiked for several hours, disscussed worship with great profundity though little resolution, enjoyed our bread even though we forgot to bring enough water, and finally returned to the old wing of Talge. You see, we got bed bugs on Wednesday--at least our suitemates did. The deans told us to move from our commodious new wing room to the old wing. John and I are praying we don't have them, but this morning, I woke up and inspected my right arm for more suspicious red bumps. I got these bumps AFTER moving. I often get red bumps from running on the Biology trail or cycleing through TN hinterland. Besides, Mom said twenty mule team borax works wonders. Perhaps I'm in denial. John and I both have been spinning highly sophisticated explanations for why we most certainly cannot have bedbugs. What a waste of breath, eloquence, and critical thinking. I'll probably write Dean Magers this evening to explain our worries.

Some evolution arguments

2008-09-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

I cut and pasted the following from an article on an atheist website.
1. Organized complexity is the product of conscious design or natural selection.
2. Intelligence is an example of organized complexity.
3. Thus, intelligence is the product of conscious design or natural selection.
4. Intelligent beings are capable of designing intelligence (i.e. computer artificial intelligence programmed by humans).
5. However, only one mechanism has been discovered that can produce intelligence without requiring the existence of a prior intelligence. That mechanism is evolution through natural selection.
6. Thus, the first intelligence evolved.
7. Evolution requires:
a. Self replication (heredity) with slightly imperfect copying fidelity (mutation).
b. An environment that can favor one replicator over another (competition).
c. Time for (a) and (b) to manifest themselves.
8. None of the conditions in (7) were present before the existence of the universe.
9. Thus, intelligence did not exist prior to the universe.
10. Therefore, the universe did not have an intelligent creator.

Point 6 has a problem, because it assumes that intelligence must be caused, but point 5 implicitly admits a causeless mechanism. How can we justify the existence of a causeless mechanism and in the same breath claim that a causeless intelligence is absurd? The author of the article cites a similar argument, and attempts a refutation:

An objection has been raised in that line by William Kesatie in ‘Trimming the Wrong Hedge’. Keasatie argues that the argument only applies to material entities, because God was un-caused. This is a lame objection, and he must be aware of that: whatever position one has, one has to uphold an un-caused entity, material or not. In this view, Kesatie only highlights the absurdity of the theistic position in assuming the existence of an un-caused intelligence.

Elsewhere in this article, the author is careful to maintain a methodical, analytically sound approach, but not here. What exactly is more absurd about an un-caused intelligence vs an un-caused mechanism? If we admit un-caused entities, we enter an extra-logical realm, because by definition, logic assumes cause and effect relationships.

No matter how hard we try to create logical explanations of the universe, we will always end up butting against causeless entities. Any logical construction is only as sound as the presuppositions, and there is emphatically no way to logically justify any fundamental presupposition, i.e causeless entity.

Post modern philosophers have already covered this ground. For instance, Nietzsche proclaimed "God is dead", and from a strictly logical standpoint, Nietzsche was right. But from a strictly logical standpoint, all causeless entities are dead. Following logic along, then, Nietzsche realized that without a causeless entity to start with, no logical construction of the universe had ultimate meaning. Thus, Nietzsche concluded that life is meaningless from a strictly logical point of view.

Can a man by searching find out God?

We either believe in a causeless mechanism, causeless intelligence(s) or float in undecided limbo. Neither a causeless mechanism nor undecided limbo give us meaning. Only a causeless intelligence gives us meaning. Therefore, we choose between meaning and absurdity. In either case, I've already proved that logical justification for our choice is impossible. Now, perhaps my solution isn't logical, but I dare say it's sensible.

Try both

Now, if we try meaning first, we may experience something, but if we try absurdity, nothing meaningful will happen (by definition). Notice that at this point, we can't talk about a search for truth, because the causeless entity or intelligence can't be found by searching. Meaning, on the other hand, just happens to be one of our choices. Try meaning first.

When making our choice about meaning, we're basically picking a religion. After all, if a causeless intelligence was out there, but hadn't communicated with humanity, then we wouldn't know about it. This possibility, though real, must therefore fall under the absurd category--not meaningful.

No other candidate for the dinky die causeless entity gives more meaning to my life than the God of the Bible. The great thing is that when I chose Him, I found out that He beat me too it. He chose me first.

A possibly important email

2008-08-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of Osh? Me either, until recently. I just sent this email to several administrators at Osh State University, Kyrgyzstan.

Dear Sir,

I am an American college student applying for a Fulbright scholarship to study in Kyrgyzstan. To qualify, I must make a compelling research proposal, and connect with a university in Kyrgyzstan. In general, I would like to study the relationship between diet and disease prevention. Because I am planning to become a physician, I am especially interested in taking classes at your Medical school.

I have two important questions:
First, do you accept American students?
Second, would anyone at your University be willing to give me some feedback on my research project?

Thank you for your time

Barry Howe

Reclaimed

2008-08-05T13:26:00.000-07:00

I found my blog again!

I feel like I'm coming home

Red Panda

2007-04-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

God is like a mighty mountain

God is like a Lion

God is like a terrible storm

God is like a Red Panda?

Original Exigency

2007-04-20T16:02:00.000-07:00

Humanity fights desperately upstream, hoping to find the ultimate source of meaning. Despite the insane futility of this search, overwhelming urgency drives us on.

Exigence is a word that denotes urgency. I believe that the source of meaning is actually an original exigency. Therefore, finding the Original Exigency is not the end of questions, but the endless beginning of answers.
I have found that the Original Exigency does not produce angst, insecurity, or fear. The Original exigency is the Person behind the universe. This Person is wild, dangerous, and definitely out to get you. He's standing infinitely far out in the universe, calling inside your heart for you to jump...

Ready?

In Defence of Love--Will You Resist?

2007-04-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

You can still have questions about life--serious, even deadly questions--but the fundamental core of your being must have peace.
If you believe in literally living what you believe (at this deepest core), then intellectual honesty DOES bring you to either suicide or life, (I count living hell as suicide). Very few people are intellectually honest, however, and so most live in the gray area between life and suicide. I didn't make this dilemma up. It's plastered across the writings of Nietzsche, Camut, and Sartre.

A pleasure glutton wants an end to suffering for its own sake, but suffering is only the result of sin. Therefore, the point to consider is not suffering (the result), or even sin and separation from God (the cause), but Love (the cure). These concepts are obviously connected, so I would be a fool to argue that suffering isn't part of the picture. However, I will say that suffering should not be the focus. If it is, then your goal is pleasure, not God. Our ultimate purpose is loving God and living for his love. It is not to end suffering.
With that argument in mind, it's perfectly legitimate for me to say that suffering is not "the point" in the sense that it should not be "the focus".
Imagine me in Organic Chemistry lab. I spill Hydrochloric acid all over my hands. Should I stand there, staring at the acid eating holes in my hands, or run to the faucet and wash off the acid? Can't you see that after dumping acid on my hands, the REAL point is "hey! get that acid off your hands!". That's why I'm arguing for God's love. God's love washes off the acid.
Furthermore, God's love requires free will. Using your free will brings you into God's love. If you don't use God's gift of free will, then you are essentially an automaton. The reason God wants you to have free will is so that you can love Him, because God needs to be loved too!

A.) The great controversy is about us, because God is love. The blame for pain goes to the Devil, not God. It can't be primarily about God's vindication, because that would mean God cared about his vindication more than us, which contradicts a necessary aspect of love--putting the ones you love before yourself. In other words, God would save us even if it meant he couldn't vindicate his name.
B.) God's definition of love requires free will, because otherwise he would have zapped the devil a long time ago. In the long run, we aren't less privileged than unfallen beings because Christ made up for the Devil's inroads by dying on the cross. God said "to whom much is given, much is required". The logical mirror of this statement is "to whom little is given, little is required". Apparently, God has given us special knowledge for a purpose, but that is no claim on a better chance at heaven. Remember, from the height of the stars, there isn't much difference between a hut and a sky scraper.

Which Letters Work Best?

2007-04-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

Isaac Watts put some quality thinking into this hymn

Nature with open volume stands
To spread its Maker's praise abroad
And every labor of his hands
Shows something worthy of our God.

But in the grace that rescued us
His brightest form of glory shines
Tis Fairest drawn upon the cross
In precious blood and crimson lines

Here His whole name appears complete
Nor wit can guess, nor reason prove
which of the letters best is writ
the pow'r, the wisdom, or the love

We would ever speak his name
In sound to mortal ears unknown
With angels join to praise the lamb
And worship at His Father's throne

Musings on Art

2007-04-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

Consider the following scenarios

A slovenly, insolent young man slouches through an art museum. As he squints at each masterpiece, he understands absolutely nothing. It turns out this young man has a rare disease that kills his "art appreciation cells". The disease is highly contagious, and within 24 hours, the entire world population is permanently infected.

You remember that there is something eternal and valuable about art, but you simply cannot appreciate it in any way. Suppose someone offers you a Rembrandt. Will you take it? Why or why not?

A Mongolian girl, fresh from the steppes of central Asia, walks into Carnegie hall. A Beethoven symphony is being played by the New York Philharmonic. Will she say

--"this is the strangest noise I have ever heard! Why are all these people listening?"

--"How wonderful! I don't understand it at all, but I know it is beautiful"

Agree?

2007-04-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

“The problem with a hymnody that focuses on equilibrium, coherence, and symmetry . . .
is that it may deceive and cover over. Life is not like that. Life is also savagely marked by disequilibrium, incoherence, and unrelieved asymmetry."

Couldn't Resist

2007-04-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

Note: My language is intentionally unequivicol and provoking in this post. However, I am not addressing any particular person, nor do I mean to offend.

The great controversy is about us, not God. Sure, God needs to vindicate his name, but he's doing it out of love for us, not because he's worried about a cosmic court-case. If God was trying primarily to vindicate his name, this would imply he was not putting humanity before himself, (unless that's your actual definition of vindication). If God hadn't acted out of a primary motive of love, he could have simply changed the universe.

God is our creator. It's logically impossible to posit a choice in our own creation. However, suicide is always an option. It's your choice: live for a God that loves you passionately, or commit suicide.

It's partially right to say that suffering is necessary to vindicate God's name, (God has to give the devil a chance). However, God gives the devil a chance to prove that free will is a reality, and the reason God must prove free will is because perfect love is contingent upon it. Of course, the definition of perfect love could be arbitrarily defined by God, and this would allow him to go back and destroy the devil. But God didn't do it that way. God's definition of perfect love requires that our universe is built around free choice. I'm sorry if you would rather be a programmed pleasure glutton, but it's not an option. You can still choose automation though. The transformation process is called idolatry. It's of the Devil, and it means death. I suggest that the hones, clean-cut approach is suicide. You choose: Life and Love, or suicide.

Suffering is ultimately irrelevant, given this background. The meaning of life isn't contingent on pain and pleasure. It's depends on whether we choose to have the moral courage to step out in faith, challenge Satan's hobgoblins of death and despair, and embrace life, love, and liberty! God is a heroic lover, not a calculating plaintiff.
Friday, April 13, 2007

Learning to walk in Truth

2007-04-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

One day I went walking with intuition, and found my way to the land of truth. Not surprisingly, reason welcomed me at the gate. Once in truth I could walk with either reason or intuition. If I walked with reason, my vision was instantly blurred. If I walked with intuition, my vision was excellent. I soon found, however, that my wonderful vision with intuition was mostly illusory, and the more I walked with intuition, the more I stumbled and blundered on truth.
When I invited intuition and reason to walk with me together, they heartily agreed. To my dismay, however, both faded in to worthless phantoms when they were together. I resorted to calling first one, then the other, but I never seemed to get on any better in truth than before.
Then one day I met the Teacher. The Teacher told me reason and intuition were his faithful servants. Only then did I realize that reason and intuition could not lead me in truth. They were simply tools the Teacher was using to bring me to Him--the way, the truth, and the life.

Beauty True

2007-03-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express. (Francis Bacon (1561-1626) British statesman and philosopher)

And I say:

The greatest beauty in a picture is that which no writer, (Bacon included) can express either.

Makeup and Yuan

2007-03-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how I ever got myself into either debacle, but somehow, this weekend caught me wearing makeup with a suit bought on a Chinese shopping spree! See me? I'm jaded, smiling, exhausted, and looking silly. My eyes aren't quite closed, but I was pretty tired.