Ruling in

Here's a thought that developed during an Evidence Based Medicine class...

When looking for a spouse, we want to rule out the bad options and rule in the good. We use diagnostic tests based on our beliefs and backgrounds. For instance, a conservative SDA guy will use the highly sensitive alcohol test. Does the girl drink? If yes, then rule her out! We have dozens of sensitive diagnostic tests... Does the guy brag about embezzling? Does the girl sport scandalous attire? The list goes on and on. Most of the time, we perform these tests without even thinking.

Before I began pursuing Christy, I kept a mental pool of possibilities--girls who had passed all the sensitive tests. In other words, I had no grounds for ruling these girls out. They were good solid Christians and shared my most important views and interests in life. I couldn't rule anyone out, but neither could I rule anyone in. My sensitive diagnostic tests had served me well, but only to a point. Sensitive tests had helped me narrow the pool to a few high quality possibilities, but I needed a specific test to move from this small pool to the person I wanted to date and perhaps marry.

I believe this quandary is shared among many sincere, thoughtful Christians, and it leads me to place the central observation of this blog: the counseling Christian community should pay more attention to specific relationship tests--ruling in. I'm not saying that ruling in is more important than ruling out. Both are equally important. However, our current Christian culture--particularly the conservative SDA Christian culture--focuses disproportionately on ruling out.

Come on! Ruling out is the relatively easy job. Yes, there are many people who desperately need to learn and implement sensitive tests in their dating and premarital lives. But all of this vital advice is extremely straightforward. The really complicated stuff comes in only after you have administered all the sensitive tests and thereby ruled out all the terrible, the sub-par, and even the simply mediocre choices.

Anyone with a teaspoon of common sense can make up a good list of sensitive tests. But a specific test? Not so easy...

It's getting late, and I really don't have the energy to explore my own imperfect experience with specific tests. Instead, I'll throw it out to you. What makes a good specific test? Here's my criteria: good specific tests detect some key quality that goes beyond obvious foundational essentials.

Note: The essential prerequisite factor in all tests is an honest relationship with God and an intimate knowledge of His living Word.